IT WAS WORTH IT!

Author: Claudia McCreary
Contributor(s): Redwoman
Published on: Oct 6, 2001

“My mom "came out" to us when I was about 9 years old.” Says Redwoman, an adult child of a lesbian mother who honored us with her thoughts and experiences. One of the drawbacks of being a gay parent is considering what our children may suffer at the hands of other kids. We all experience harassment of one kind or another, but our kids have done nothing to deserve what they often must go through. And being children they can often internalize and begin to believe what others say about them is true. Red woman gives me hope that in the end it all comes out in the plus column!

She goes on to say, “At that point in time in my life it really made no difference to me at all. She had a friend that she loved and lived with us. As the years passed and I became a teenager I made the fatal mistake when I was 12 years old. I told a peer that my mom didn't have a boyfriend (as it was normal to me) but she has a girlfriend.

Now keep in mind that when I was 13 the year was (ahem) 1984. It was a horrible, horrible experience the next day at school, actually the next 3 years. As normal it was to me it was just as abnormal to my peers who came from a mom/dad family or a single parent family. If there were any other kids of gay parents no one would ever know after the reputation I got.

They often teased me if I was gay as well, which bothered me greatly, as this was something to be ashamed of (or so it seemed). I never invited people over to the house; it greatly affected my social life.

As for the actual relationship between my mother and her partner, her second partner who was with us for almost 10 years, I bonded more with her then my own mother.

So for all you parents out there and your partners, it can work, just give it time and mostly your unconditional love. As for the kids to the gay parents, don't be ashamed about your mom/dad and their partners. I'm positive that if I just shrugged it off when I was 12 like it was no big deal the whole thing would have just died down. Kids are mean and they pick on the weak, I provided them with the means and the opportunity to pick on me. If I had just stood up to them and said, "Yeah? So what?" They would have been dumbfounded and that would have been the end of it.... maybe.

I do hope that now we are in the next century that the social end of things is different. The whole thing is a bittersweet situation in my life. If my mom wasn't who she is I'd never had known Margaret (her second partner) who we lost to cancer in 1994 (had to stick that in there, I loved her a lot) and on the other hand I would not have had to live with the reputation of being the kid of a gay parent.

Looking back, I wouldn't ever trade a day with out Margaret, for those fools to like me. I'm better off. I do hope this gives a little insight to someone out there.