23. Who Do You Trust?
I’m sitting here feeling a bit numbed, still speechless and still somewhat devastated. I’m having difficulty composing my thoughts into one cohesive theme. My current mental state was triggered a few days ago when a friend shared his heart breaking news with me. Since then, it seems that everywhere I turn there are more and more reasons why a general paranoia might be healthy, or is it?
It’s a long story about my friend, but not an uncommon one. It has to do with deception, the ultimate of deceptions. An ultimate deception is the kind that shakes one at the core of their being, so much so that survival does not seem possible without lifetime disfiguring scars on one's emotional body.
My friend has been involved in an online, bi-coastal relationship for the past three years. Pictures, letters, e-mails, telephone calls, gifts... everything except a face to face meeting helped to develop this relationship into one that was close enough to make him believe he had fallen in love. Finally, after much deliberation on both sides, a meeting was planned, in spite of her chronic complaints of debilitating headaches. A week before their meeting she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, immediate surgery was scheduled.
Her surgery was a success. There was one problem. She had lost all her memory; she didn’t even recognize family members. My friend had been in close contact with one of her girlfriends, who kept him in touch with what was happening. Needless to say, my friend was overcome with concern and worry. Her recovery has taken months, during which time his feelings for her continued to deepen. His nurturing phone calls, letters of encouragement did not flag. He shared his tears and fears with me, not an easy thing for any man.
It has turned out to all be a hoax! This woman’s lies have been so fabulous that she can be credited with being close to genius. Again, I have to take pause and shake my own head in disbelief. WHY? Why do people do things like this that are so hurtful? What do they truly hope to achieve? Never mind how he found out; if this ever went to court it would take months to flush out all the details.
When I said this story is not an uncommon one, I was reflecting back on some experiences that other friends have shared with me. Three other friends have developed relationships online that have been close enough to merit face to face meetings. All three had become attracted to the inner person they thought was reflected by the pictures they had been given. In each and every instance, my friends were not able to overcome the shock they experienced when they were greeted at the airport by a woman who was 300 pounds more than they were lead to believe, from pictures that were at least ten years old. See where little white lies or fibs can lead? (Please refer back to my article, }Let's Talk About Sex{.) If a person lies enough, eventually they begin to believe their own lies; I call this the O.J. Simpson syndrome.
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