Lesson 8: Relationship Readiness
Final Thoughts
It isn't an easy topic, but bears mentioning.
Let's start with social perceptions of the newly single adult. It hurts me to admit it, but recently separated women (and men may hear this, too, but I'm not a man) have a reputation. That reputation may be earned in some cases, but in many it is a stereotype that causes more pain to an already hurting individual. The sad part is that you may not even realize you are fanning the fire. You could be innocent. You could be simply out to have a little fun with friends. The sad truth is that people will interpret your actions and respond according to their interpretations, not necessarily to your intent.
I was told once, "Well you know what divorced women are like." In fact, I didn't. I knew several divorced women, but none of them shared enough traits for me to make a conclusion about all of them. And then the person cleared up the statement. His reference was purely sexual. Okay, so if you've been in a marriage that was still physically satisfying, you will have needs (regardless of gender). So the question becomes what have you done to take care of yourself that doesn't involve sacrificing your reputation or your physical health?
And speaking of your health...is it safe to say that enough has been said about STDs? Your kids need you. Your family and friends need you. All the more than you need unprotected sex, I'm sure.
It's okay to browse without buying. It's okay to have a little fun. Just know that all choices have consequences. Have a little respect for yourself. If you wouldn't want your daughter, son, mother, father, or best friend seeing what you're doing, it's probably better you don't do it.
How strongly can you agree with these statements?:
1. I am satisfied with how I am handling my desire for affection and sexual intimacy.
2. I very carefully choose who I will become involved with.
3. I am always safe.
4. I am conscious that my behaviors may be interpreted differently than I intended.
5. I don't introduce my children or close family members to someone I'm involved with until I am sure it is a relationship I can be proud of.
In conclusion,
"Dying to who you once were and what you once knew is the pain of the labour required to be who you were born to be. It is the kind of pain required to live." Iyanla Vanzant.
You never intended for your relationship to end, but it has. What you do with that reality will define the rest of your life. It was my intention to provide information, thought provoking questions, and insights that would help you move through a difficult time of transition. I have walked the path. Your journey is unique from mine. Your relationship was unique. And you are, unique.
The Bible says, "it came to pass." It never says, "and it came to stay." This too, shall pass.
Know that you are sufficiently strong, sufficiently beautiful, and sufficiently capable to heal. I believe in you. Please, believe in yourself. Wherever you have been. Whatever you have lived. Whatever you have chosen. Embrace your potential. Embrace your ability to choose anew. And embrace the new life that awaits you.
