Ending Relationships

Lesson 5: Self-attention

It is always important to take care of yourself, but it is especially significant during a time of trauma and transition. Do you take time to slow down, even stop for a while to re-energize? Would you know what to do with yourself if you could justify the time to do it? If you are a single working parent this is a must.

Taking Care of Your Self

During times of transition it can be easy to lose sight of your Self. In this lesson we will look at the types of opportunities you have to pay attention to the most important person in your situation. YOU.

It may be self-care, it may attention you pay yourself, or may be as simple as accepting the wide range of emotional responses you are having to your current circumstances. No one can tell you how you should move through your situation. No one can tell you how to take care of yourself. My encouragement to you is that you do spend some time pampering yourself, by your definition. You have been through a trauma and if the time isn't taken to recover now, you will spend more time and the impact will be more serious later on.

There is much writing and attention being given to self care these days. Why is that? Should we need to be reminded to take care of ourselves? The sad truth is, that many of us, especially during difficult times, relinquish our need for taking care of ourselves, for the pull to care for others. While it is noble to want to care for those around us, it is ultimately a poor allocation of our depleted resources to expend even more energy on others when we most need it ourselves.

During your separation, there may be days when all you want to do is sleep. The practicality of that may not allow you to indulge, but there must be a way to find a few minutes to support your body and mind's need for rest and recovery.

Please take as much time as you need to complete the following questions. If you want to forward your responses to me via e-mail, please do.

1. What types of activities would you consider opportunities for self-care?

2. Now, really indulge yourself. What would you consider decadent activities that you can barely remember being able to enjoy?

3. Are there activities that can be done with others? Alone? Which do you prefer and why?

4. What does thinking about this idea of self-care stir inside you? Pleasure? Excitement? Guilt? Dread?

5. How will you schedule the time, money, and/or energy to make at least five items from #1 a reality within the next two weeks?

6. What would it take for you to put you first in your list of people to care for?

If you need to jumpstart your thinking, consider some of the following:

a delicious lunch at a favourite restaurant

a walk along a park pathway

going to the library and signing out a type of book you wouldn't normally read

volunteer

get your nails done

take in a sporting event

clean out a closet - ridding yourself of outdated clothes and the image of yourself that went with it

having a purging ceremony where you eliminate from your environment that memorabilia that no longer has meaning for you (ensure that you are not acting out of revenge and destroying something you may want back later)

sit quietly and celebrate how strong you are and how you will come out of this experience a better person

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