Lesson 8: Course Summary
This is the final lesson in the series, which I sincerely hope you've enjoyed. In this section of the course you'll review many of the outstanding principles you've learned. You also have an opportunity to share your stories, review, comments, questions, requests, or acknowledgements with me at DrDad.info, my website.
Remember that a strong relationship shouldn't and doesn't take work; it take play. The better you play together as a couple and later as a family the more rewarding your life will be together.
Expressions of love may change with time and circumstances, but love itself is an emotion of boundless and endless gtowth.
A Wrapup of What You've Learned
This is a good time to review some of the important messages presented in this course and to describe its concluding special sections. We began this journey together looking at the types of worries, concerns, and stress that affect expectant fathers. Pregnancy is a special time for you and your spouse.
It is challenging for both of you; you will have many of the same frustrations, handle them in sometimes similar and sometimes different ways from each other, and nurture the opportunity to develop a renewed, lasting relationship from the experience. Your hopes and dreams are akin as a couple; you want a healthy baby and a lifelong family. It’s always good to begin with common goals, particularly as expectant mothers and fathers peer into an optimistic, but uncertain, future. The images and expectations you have of yourselves in this futuristic setting will be extremely important in determining your success together.
We also looked at the importance of getting to know each other in your relationship. Beginning with simple facts from your lives, you exchanged expectations, feelings, attitudes, and plans enabling you to renegotiate the boundaries of being a couple and have made them stronger and more resilient.
You may have been a little nervous reading the section about the facts and figures of single family households in America. That was my intent; far too many expectant couples and couples with families fail to understand that their relationships need to be “updated” over time. Pregnancy is a developmental crisis for people. Routines are turned upside down, defining yourself and partner takes on new importance, examining how your relationship began and how it is being affected by this new experience is critically important right now. Just assuming the best outcome for yourself won’t produce it. It took months, maybe years, for the two of you to find each other.
Some of your most exciting and passionate moments were spent conceiving a baby. But the best is yet to come. However it takes effort from both of you to make the “best” happen. Your need to work on your relationship didn’t stop with “I do”. It would be wonderful if a commitment for their children could be added to the traditional vows couples recite on their wedding day.
Being pregnant gives you more reason than ever to commit yourselves to your relationship and to expand your capacity for loving the new baby that will be found in each of you. Pregnancy tests the strength of your commitment and willingness to love each other more deeply. One couple said it well,
“Relationships are fragile enough without children. They take effort. After we were married we found that adjustments had to be made; compromises and sacrifices we each made for the other. We developed new ways of being together that have worked for us. With a baby on the way, we realize that some of our former ways of pleasing each other will naturally be discarded. In their place, however, it feels like it did in the beginning of the relationship. We’re discovering new things about each other that are exciting and have us more in love than ever. We both want this baby so much but we haven’t let the pregnancy consume our life together. We do things together like shopping, taking in movies, and talking about our strengths and what we like about each other. We do a lot of talking about our feelings for one another and picturing the happiness of being a family."
A principle this couple fully understands is that pregnancy is a crisis that requires a couple to reestablish their former relationship. In turn, this makes necessary the forming of new personal expectations for each partner that are harmonious with the other person. When expectations are similar, when they are aligned, a couple can be successful and free from disabling conflict.
You also read about the less obvious differences between men and women, why they’re different and how this sometimes complicates communication with your spouse. Many of these differences are rooted in the biology of the sexes. But they are significantly shaped by an acquired belief system which sets up their expectations. We concluded that when good things occasionally happen that exceed your expectations, you feel pleasantly surprised. When negative things occur, you feel disappointed. When things happen regularly and they are also valued by you, you come to expect them; they become your personal standards with which you assess people and personal experiences. This occurs for both you and your husband. You each have personal expectations of yourselves along with expectations of each other based on ideals founded over years of experience.
Continuously striving to know your spouse allows changes, needs, interests, ideals, expectations, and concerns to be openly (and frequently!) discussed. The powerful act of touching and nurturing your spouse during pregnancy and beyond will keep your interests in the foreground as change swirls around you. The five A’s for growth – Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing – shouldn’t be limited to your relationship with you spouse. They are wonderful principles to share with and instill in your children. Just as important as genetics, is your transfer of a healthy outlook to your children.
Finally, you read a number of tips, perspectives, and steps to endear your spouse and relationship for the next 50 years.
