Lesson 5: Playing In Your Relationship - Getting Stronger By The Day!!

Pregnant Fathers: The Three Trimesters

Pregnant Fathers: The First Trimester For the Dad. Congratulations, you and your partner are now pregnant.

The starters pistol has sounded and your family life is beginning. But all the care and nurturing your baby needs is not just happening in your partners belly. You have a major role in your baby's development right for the start. So its better to be prepared. First of all, you need to understand that you have an opportunity to make changes and develop yourself during this pregnancy along with the baby. In fact, your notion of a family is starting to form as your read this. The home movies are running through your mind, you're remembering your own father and how you felt toward him, and past and the future are colliding as you make future plans. And yikes, someone is going to call you a dad. It's all pretty exciting. So what should you expect during this first trimester?

If you're expecting your first child, you're in for a number of surprises, most of them good. And most men have a positive reaction to finding out about the pregnancy, but they may also have doubts and confusion. An unplanned pregnancy can begin with feelings of ambivalence and uncertainty. Pregnancy can stimulate feelings of both fear and hope in new expectant fathers. Understanding your feelings during this time can help you begin to see how your role from man to dad is developing.

The most frequently concerns expressed during the first trimester are fears about your partner's and the baby's health, worries about money, and concerns about what type of father you will be. For some expectant fathers, concern about their paternity is an issue. It is normal to have these worries. Unfortunately, doubt and fear make wonderful bed fellows when significant life changes occur.

During the first few months, your partner may experience morning sickness, sleeplessness, mood swings, fatigue and changes in eating habits as her body adjusts to the pregnancy. Although these symptoms are normal, you may not be use to seeing your wife this uncomfortable. You may wonder what you can do to help.

With morning sickness, you can help by assisting her in experimenting with different kinds of foods during this phase to determine which ones produce the least amount of nausea. Keep in mind that morning sickness rarely signals that something is wrong with the baby. Nonetheless, if morning sickness is particularly severe, she may want to consult her obstetrician.

Many expectant dads start to look ahead and feel worried about how having a baby will affect their finances. If both you and your partner have been working, you may begin to think about how you will be affected by the change in income if your wife will be off work for a while. Concerns about the need for a larger house or apartment, a new car or how to anticipate what new expenses you will have once the baby has arrived are common anxieties in the early stages of pregnancy.

Finally, many expectant fathers are concerned about what type of father they will be. You may begin to think about what it was like for your father when you were born. How prepared was your dad when he became a father? What opportunities do you feel you have as an expectant dad that your father didn't? How have times changed and what new opportunities will there be for your child?

All these new anxieties are the normal feelings that arise when you learn that you will be a father in less than a year.

In our society we don't make many accommodations for expectant dads. We are not sure what they need and what their role should be during pregnancy. It has been my experience that the sooner expectant dads can be involved the more included they will feel in their new family. Going to the doctor's visits with your partner, talking with other fathers, beginning to look at a few of the new books on parenting are all ways to begin your transition to parenthood.

Here are a few practical tips that pregnant dads have shared with me during the 1st trimester of pregnancy.

For your wife/partner:

• Talk with your partner about the hopes and dreams, fears and anxieties, of having a child together.

• Make time regularly go on walks together.

• Talk about how your lives can slow down, how you can both do less in the coming months and enjoy the pregnancy.

• Try and continue some of the health routines you've savored as a couple, such as going to a restaurant for dinner regularly, taking in a movie, or simply seeing friends on the weekends.

• Choose the friends you want to share the news about being pregnant. Be sensible, but celebrate with them. Let them share in your moment.

• Go to a bookstore by yourself and search through the section on pregnancy and expecting a baby. Remember, you are expecting a baby.

The second trimester is a particularly exciting time for expectant dads. You will have a chance to hear your baby's heartbeat and possibly see your baby through ultra sound. These experiences usually bring a heightened sense of reality...we are really going to have a baby.

In our society we tend to value men's financial contributions to our families more than our emotional contributions. It is understandable then why concerns over money or financial security become the focus of many expectant fathers. It may also become an acceptable male way of expressing concern for your partner and unborn child. It is usual to begin to think about how your finance will be changed by having a baby, but if you become preoccupied with money concerns, something deeper may be troubling you. If you feel that dealing with the money is all your responsibility it may be touching on deeper issues of competency or security.

It is important in this second trimester to discuss your finances with your partner but also to keep them in perspective. Developing a little tolerance for uncertainty is a useful skill both in pregnancy and parenthood.

Many expectant dads report that during the second trimester there is a change in the sexuality with their partners. Each expectant mom will respond differently to the hormonal changes her body is going through. For some women it pregnancy can intensify their sexual arousal, while for others it appears to diminish it. As a father-to-be it is important to see that in this second trimester many of your partner's responses may be driven by the changes her body and hormones are putting her through. At this point in the pregnancy you may begin to feel concerned about how your relationship with your partner is fluctuating. You may begin to notice how the routines you have taken for granted are changing.

Couples often share basic routines around meals, leisure time and household chores. A simple habit, like a Sunday morning breakfast may no longer be desirable to your partner if she has morning sickness. If you both use to enjoy going out weekend evenings and now she feels too fatigued, how are you going to respond? You may feel disappointed to discover the partner you felt you knew and understood and depended on is no longer behaving like herself.

Every couple experiences these changes differently. Try and talk with your partner about the changes your feel the relationship is going. Try and be understanding with each other about all the happiness, guilt, anticipation, ambivalence and frustration that is now going on in your lives. Establishing a pattern of open communication with your partner at this time in the pregnancy will allow the both of you to move toward the birth in a more supportive and positive relationship.

Here are here are a few practical tips that pregnant dads have shared with me during the 2nd trimester of pregnancy.

For your wife/partner:

• Start to take-on more of the chores around your house or apartment.

• Let your partner know she is going to be a great mom.

• Let your wife know that you and her can talk about both the positive and negatives about being pregnant.