Expectant Fathers

Lesson 5: Playing In Your Relationship - Getting Stronger By The Day!!

Acceptance

Acceptance

Are you accepting of your best girl friend? Is she accepting of you? What about your parents; have they always been accepting of you? Acceptance means we are received respectfully with all our feelings, choices, and personal traits and supported through them. When you’re accepted you feel safe about knowing and giving yourself to others. Your ability to be intimate grows in accordance with how safe you feel, and that safety is primarily based on how genuinely you were accepted by that other person. As with all five “A’s”, it is never too late (or early) to find acceptance or learn to show it in your relationship. Acceptance engenders a sense of being a good person; something we all want to be. Throughout pregnancy, acceptance of the changes you’re experiencing is important for your emotional and physical condition. This is true for your husband as well.

Many of the problems expectant dads go through are instigated by the frustration caused by not feeling accepted in their new role. Men have described this as “not being noticed”, “feeling unimportant during the pregnancy”, “sitting on the sidelines”, and “not feeling they have a role”. It’s as if fatherhood begins with the birth of the baby. “Dad” is a title that applies from the moment of conception. Those earning this privileged distinction want to be taken seriously. They want to be recognized. Expectant fathers want to be accepted and respected for their family role. His responsibilities DO change with pregnancy; they become more important! Showing acceptance is another phrase for showing approval. This is a phrase that’s been given a poor connotation in some of the psychology media. Yet it is perfectly normal to seek approval throughout our life. You require and provide approval to those you respect. The relationship it creates lifts us to a higher level and instills self-esteem.

In attention, you are heard and noticed. In acceptance, you are embraced as worthy, not compared to others but trusted, empowered, understood, and fully approved of as you being unique.

One of the best prescriptions for countering many of the wild concerns and anxiety of expectant fathers is a good dose of “acceptance” from their partners. Like people in general, and men in particular, they seek support for their path, no matter how unusual; of their feelings, no matter how disturbing; of their deficiencies, no matter how irritating. These are the traits that make your husband him. He wants his traits not only tolerated, but cherished. He is the perfect him, and that is enough. Acceptance. You both yearn for it, and you both deserve it from each other.

“The more secure a person is regarding his own acceptability, the more certain his sense of who he is, and the more safely internalized his system of values, the more self confidently and effectively will he be able to offer his love...without undue feelings of rejection and humiliation.” - Heinz Kohut, psychologist

Acceptance Suggestions for the Expectant Mother

• Share a positive story about your husband while in the company of people he admires

• Tell him that you love him for the person he is

• Be nonjudgmental when he makes a mistake

• Share your favorite picture of your husband with him. Let him know why you like the photo and how it best captures the qualities you love in him

• Always show respect for him, even during that occasional argument

• Let go of being “right” and replace it with being accepting and loving

Acceptance Suggestions for the Expectant Father

• Share a story from your relationship history that recounts a time when you admired an action your wife took

• Forgive. Show patience and tolerance in listening to your wife tell you about her day.

• Select at least two qualities that you admire about your wife. Share them with her

• Always show respect for him, even during that occasional argument

• Let go of being “right” and replace it with being accepting and loving

• Accept yourself as a responsible father and begin seeing yourself as a role model for your children Appreciation

Two of the most powerful statements a person can make are “forgive me” and “thank you”. The effect that these phrases have on us is amazing. When they are genuinely said, people can be deeply moved. Although it’s natural to have them in our repertoire of expressions and expectations, when we don’t hear them on cue, we can be intensely disappointed.

After winning an argument with his wife, the wisest thing a man can do is apologize.

Anonymous

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