Expectant Fathers
Lesson 4: Expectations While You're Both Expecting
What Are Your Expectations While Expecting?
Patterns of courtship, mating and parenting in nature may seem strange to us. What we think of as a natural process with women becoming pregnant, delivering the baby, and assuming a parental role is actually quite varied among other species. Their “expectations” are hardwired to perform in a particular pattern and we seldom find any deviations from the centuries old genetic code.
Humans, however, are capable of making abundant changes in their sexual and parenting behavior. Because these changes generally involve choices based on your “soft-wired” expectations, it is important for you to understand the changes occurring for you and your husband.
Thus far, I’ve stated that men experience intense changes in their levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship satisfaction during pregnancy. As a result of this increase in psychological pressure and men’s tendency to “act out” their concerns rather than verbally express them, their transition to parenthood can be eased by encouraging them to be more open, honest, and committed within their relationship.
To achieve a fresh outlook for you as a couple and to get a new, stronger relationship in motion with pregnancy (and birth), it will require your attention and agreement to recognize the changes you are experiencing.
The first activity, and perhaps the most important, is to deepen your understanding of your partner’s (and your own) expectations. As I’ve said, all couples have expectations of themselves which change during pregnancy and birth. Not knowing what your spouse expects of himself and of you leaves you in a field of tall assumptions. These assumptions may or may not be correct so responding to them is a risky measure. By eliminating the assumptions you have about each other and clarifying how you actually see your lives, feelings, and plans, you minimize the risk and move from an “assumption” to an “assurance.”
The following sections of the course should be used by you to develop and maintain harmonious expectations and thereby successfully face any future challenge, including parenthood.
Each of these will be discussed at some length and should be shared with your spouse. The critically important lessons for you attention are
- Continuously striving to know your spouse during the pregnancy and birth experience allows changes, needs, interests, ideals, expectations, and concerns to be openly discussed.
- The powerful act of nurturing your spouse during the pregnancy and birth experience keeps both of your relationship interests in the foreground of change.
- Providing each other with the Five A’s will enable the relationship to grow
- Attention from each other leads to self-respect
- Acceptance of each other engenders a sense of well being and tolerance
- Appreciation of each other generates a sense of self-worth
- Affection makes you feel lovable and open
- Allowing each other the freedom to pursue your personal needs, values, and wishes contributes individual diversity and uniqueness to the relationship
- Applying the Nine Key Nutrients to a relationship will assure that you enjoy the rest of your lives together.
How Do We Get to Know Each Other’s Expectations Deeper Then Ever Before?
Tim was an extremely successful accountant. He was smart, devoted to his job, and personable. His staff adored him and his clients considered him to be a respected member of their top business teams. Tim came from a large, close family. After his father died, he and his siblings moved to different parts of their home state. They were still close enough to visit, yet far enough away from each other to turn such visits into an all day trip.
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