Lesson 3: What Are the Facts Regarding Expectant Dad Behavior...Affairs?
In this lesson you'll learn the facts and figures regarding expectant father behavior. Whether they are first time Dads or eigth time repeat expectant fathers, their behavior will essentially be the same. Their approach to pregnancy will have the same patterns associated with it.
You'll look more deeply in this Lesson at the differences between men and women. Interestingly, there are endocrine system changes that occur for the expectant father, differences in male and female brain function, and differences that go beyond the obvious.
What Are the Facts and Figures Regarding Expectant Father Behavior...Affairs of the Body
Numbers that describe families, pregnancy and parenthood are very revealing. They’re also very motivating because no one wants to count themselves among a failing statistic. I don’t expect you to count yourself among the dismal figures that follow, but they describe many people who have had children when they weren’t prepared or willing to commit to family life. The numbers are alarming, so read this section cautiously remembering that although it is informative and socially insightful, the fate of these families will not be inclusive of you.
Over the last four decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of children growing up in homes without fathers. In 1960, fewer than 10 million children didn’t live with their biological fathers. Today, the number is nearly 24 million. Of the 19.2 million children living with a single parent in 2000, 84 percent (16.2 million) were living with their mother and 16 percent (3.1 million) were living with their father (U.S. Census Bureau, 2001). The proportion of single mothers who have never been married continues to rise, from 33 percent in 1990 to 43 percent in 2000. A majority of single mothers with children under six years old have never been married. Of those children living with their mothers in single parent households, more than one-third will not see their fathers at all during the course of a year.
Adding to the high single parent statistics are births occurring out of wedlock. One in three births (33.2 percent) to women of all ages in the U.S. occurs outside of marriage, and four in five (79 percent) of teen births are non-marital. However, non-marital birth rates among teens have declined by 13 percent between 1994 and 2000, from 46 to 40 births per 1,000 unmarried teens. In contrast, non-marital birth rates have been increasing among women in their twenties, who have the highest rates of childbearing outside of marriage. Between 1994 and 2000, the non-marital birth rate for women ages 20-24 increased from 72 to 75 births per 1,000 unmarried females. Although very few teens marry, birth rates among married teens are much higher than non-marital birth rates. Importantly, when asked, 60 percent of high school seniors from a recent national survey (Monitoring the Future Survey) responded that it was usually a good idea for a couple to live together before getting married. Moreover, approximately 40 percent of all non-marital births are to women in cohabiting relationships.
Studies show that children who grow up without responsible fathers are significantly more likely to experience poverty, perform poorly in school, engage in criminal activity, and abuse drugs and alcohol. Perhaps the problem begins with the divorce of men from pregnancy and childbirth itself.
For decades the issue of pregnancy has been thought of as a woman's domain. Why should a man concern himself? After all, he doesn’t have to carry the fetus or give birth. It’s hard for people to concede that the expectant father's physical distance from the process of pregnancy brings its own stress and worries. Yet as I’ve described, the mere question of paternity can be stressful for men. In this regard, the woman is always certain that the child is hers. Along with her expanding waistline and a host of other changes accompanying pregnancy comes the inalienable right to call this child her own. A man doesn’t have that certainty and in many primitive cultures he must fight for his paternity right; it is not given freely.
Paternity issues aside, men's role in pregnancy has a long history of exclusion. The story of Dr. Wertt of Hamburg may illustrate my point. Dr. Wertt was a physician interested in studying the process of labor and delivery but men were not allowed in the lying-in room. So, Dr. Wertt dressed himself in women's clothing and entered the purely female domain. For a while everything went smoothly but some how his masquerade was discovered. His punishment was swift and severe. Dr. Wertt was burned to death. The message, to all the other physicians who watched the ordeal, was clear: midwifery was still solely a woman's art. The year was 1522. It was not until 30 years later that male physicians began to have an active part in child birth activities.
The advent of the Civil Rights Movement of the late 1960s had an effect on a great number of people. Not only was this a time when African Americans demanded equal rights; it also served to mobilize all under-represented groups. Women, Latinos, Gays and Native Americans also joined the Civil Rights movement in order to have their opinions and social messages expressed. To a large extent, this movement provided men with an opportunity to move from their role as family breadwinner to the more active heart of the family. It was in this air of revolution that Lamaze classes began and men were invited into the birth process. Men were rescued from the waiting room and given the role of coach; a supporting role indeed but at least they were now more actively involved. It was also at this time that research and literature about expectant fathers began to appear.
The pre-1960s literature was primarily based on psychoanalytic observations of expectant fathers. Early reports coined the term “parenthood psychosis” to describe the phenomenon where men suffered severe depressive reactions to their impending fatherhood. Additionally, attention was paid to other psychological events that were occurring within expectant fathers. Few reports painted positive pictures of expectant fathers. Many psychoanalysts stressed the ambivalence fathers harbored towards the fetus, envy that was geared towards their wives' ability to create a child, and feelings of sibling rivalry the analysts saw as emerging during the prenatal months.
The greater role that expectant fathers were playing in pregnancy and birth starting in the 1960s, however, did not bring complete social approval. Jerrold Lee Shapiro in his groundbreaking book When Men Are Pregnant recorded observations and conversations with hundreds of expectant and new fathers that revealed what he termed a “cultural double bind.” Men are encouraged to participate but are simultaneously made to see themselves as outsiders. Their presence might be requested but their feelings surely are not. This is especially the case if they believe that their feelings of anxiety, anger, sadness, and fear might upset their wives or partners.
Therefore, they sense their feelings as unwelcome. It is just these hidden emotions that result in the deterioration of the parental relationship during pregnancy and after the birth of their child. Being invited to participate in the pregnancy and birth while simultaneously feeling they aren’t allowed to get involved in the process is just not enough for developing commitment.
