Lesson 1: Introduction
Welcome to the Course entitled What's Your Pregnant Man Thinking? as you'll see and learn, this course is a road map for expectant and new moms about men and relationships.
In the lessons ahead you'll learn what men think during pregnancy, how they behave (perhaps when you're not noticing), steps to take for making your relationship during pregnancy stronger than either you or your partner ever imagined, techniques for assessing the strength of your man and relationship, and sure fire methods for making your pregnancy and future family secure and fun!
Jump aboard and proceed through the lessons...and share what you're learning with your mate.
Welcome to the Course! Introduction
It’s 7:15 in the evening and I’m speaking to a group of women in a brightly lit assembly room of a local hospital. They are all between 19 and 31 years of age, and they are all expectant moms. Some of the women are pregnant for the first time while others have been through the experience enough times to qualify for a midwife certification. We’re talking about men as husbands and partners.
“My husband is driving me crazy,” exclaims one mom, “with his constant demand for my attention. I mean, here I am, 40 pounds overweight, constipated, cranky, and congested and he wants to discuss our finances, wonders why I don’t want to go to the movies every week, and why I do want to take a nap in the afternoon – like a four month nap.”
Another says, “I often wonder what Jim thinks of about pregnancy. Is he nervous? Is he as excited as I am? Do his friends talk to him about having a baby? Does he think about it at all?”
And then one first time expectant mother with a worried expression softly adds that her husband “seems more nervous and slow at times, like he’s depressed but doesn’t want to talk about how he feels.”
So begins my meeting with these women. I’m meeting with them to describe what and how their pregnant men are thinking and the behavior they can expect to see in them. I always begin this way:
I have two messages for you this evening and a lot of information to go with each message. Your being here allows me to convey some great news and wonderful expectations for you. First, let me share my expectations. You’re going to be healthy throughout your pregnancy. You’re going to deliver a gorgeous baby. You’ll become closer and more affectionate with your partner than ever before. You’ll love being yourself during your pregnancy; and, you’ll receive endearing and enduring love from your new family for years to come. You may be saying to yourself, “thanks for the good wishes, but I’m really not ready to wear a party hat.” Well, my expectations aren’t simply a collection of good wishes! I’m not sending you some novel version of “Congratulations, you’re pregnant!” You’re actually going to make these achievements happen! And that’s the great news. You’re going to actually have your AND your partner’s dreams of love and family fulfilled.
If you’re already assuming that all of this will happen, that’s great. And for some couples it simply does turn into a joyous period of life. However here is my second message, pregnancy is a time when relationships change. Your behavior and your partner’s behavior will be different from the old days of “just the two of us”. Your relationship isn’t going to look or feel the same as when you were dating or sleeping in until 10 a.m. Spontaneity will be whenever you can schedule it. But after working with hundreds of couples, I can say with a high degree of certainty that you’re not just pregnant with a baby, you’re pregnant with a new and better relationship. And it can be just as beautiful as your baby. I know this because you’re about to learn what you and your husband truly expect from one another and you’re going to take all the right steps to meet these expectations.
Before we begin on this journey of discovery, two points must be mentioned about this course. First, I often use the words “spouse” and “partner” interchangeably. In today’s fast paced and progressive world, marriage doesn’t necessarily precede pregnancy. Frankly, some couples don’t choose marriage as an option for raising a family. They may be a loving people with a stronger attachment for one another than many married couples. They have simply made a conscious decision to have children and forego the “ceremony.” Being married doesn’t guarantee success within a relationship or family any more than not being married is a set up for failure. So, if you are married read “partner” as your spouse, and if you aren’t married the term refers to your partner. Your expectations for success should be high regardless of how you check the marital box.
Second, the information presented in this course, particularly the relationship strengthening exercises, is valuable to couples anticipating pregnancy, currently pregnant, remembering their last pregnancy 10 years ago, considering adopting a child, that have made a decision not to have a family, or simply looking for a perfect gift for another pregnant pair. Having a passionate and lasting relationship is the hope of every couple. It’s a hope that deserves to be fulfilled and it is also the reason for this course.
For Expectant Mothers
What’s Your Pregnant Man Thinking? describes the expectations, changing, challenging and sometimes baffling behaviors, of expectant fathers, a foreign and often misunderstood territory filled with myth and mistakes. Written for expectant mothers, the course replaces fiction with fact about the thinking and behavior of their spouse and partner during pregnancy.
- What do men think about during the nine months of pregnancy?
- What are their concerns and worries?
- Are they worried about “real” things related to the birth of the baby?
- Why do some men stray from their relationship and have affairs during this time?
- Why do some men lose themselves in work, to old friends, hobbies, habits, and almost anything activity to avoid pregnancy which is when their partner needs them most.
- How can you detect and avoid your spouse or partner’s destructive behavior?
- Are men more prone to violence with their partners during pregnancy?
- What changes in behavior are normal for fathers during pregnancy?
- How frequently do pregnancies result in separation or divorce?
- Are there early warning signs that a couple’s relationship may be in trouble?
- How can you test and know the strength of your personal relationship?
- How can you make the pregnant relationship the best you’ve every enjoyed in your life?
What’s Your Pregnant Man Thinking? provides you with a roadmap to understanding the windfalls and pitfalls of your new adventure of having a family. It will help you understand your needs during pregnancy and those of your partner and give you a commanding lead toward achieving your dreams as parents. As every pregnancy begins with hope, it is my hope that by reading this course you discover new insights, tolerance, and understanding of the signs and steps to follow for a blissful tomorrow.
Studying the behavior of expectant fathers and couples over the years, I’ve listened to their yearnings, dreams, exploits, confessions, and nightmares. I’ve listened to their real life experiences and their secret desires. Regardless of how each father and couple expressed it, they felt deep emotions about the pregnancy. They felt deep emotions toward one another. They felt a passion about their lives and their futures. Each father and couple expressed the wish that they had known more about themselves, their expectations, and how to meet their partner’s needs.
