Buddhism 102: Ethics

Lesson 4: Karma And Skillful Means

Skillful Means in Our Lives

Skillful Means and Meditation

I believe that meditation helps us learn skillful means. Skillful means come from a clarity and an understanding of what's important. We're unskillful when we focus on the details and not the big picture.

I tend to remember this with the phrase, "It's not really about..." For instance, someone came to me recently with a problem: a family member had invited her along on a vacation. She said she wasn't sure whether she felt like going. Because of that, someone else was invited instead, and my friend felt hurt. In this case, it wasn't really about whether or not she got to go on the vacation; the conflict was really about how willing they were to share family time together. I suggested to her that there must be some skillful way to make sure that the situation didn't hurt their relationship as a family.

Acting skillfully often involves breaking through our first way of thinking about a problem. For instance, a friend of mine once had a difficulty with her advisor at school. There were a number of ways she and he did not see eye to eye, and she realized she had to talk to him about it. However, she realized that if she came into his office with guns blazing (figuratively), he'd get defensive, she would get angrier, and nothing would be solved. She decided that the best way to change the vibe of the situation would be to start with generosity. She arrived at his office with a box of pastries to share with him, and they sat and chatted. As they talked, they got to a better sense of how to make the educational experience better for both of them. By changing the situation from "Here's what's wrong with your advising" to "Here's something we can share," she skillfully helped create a better situation.

The stronger our practice is, the more likely we are to see what a problem is really about. When we meditate, we see through our egotistical delusions. We're less devoted to nervous worries and more devoted to the paramitas. Then, we're more capable of making positive steps to protect what we need to protect.

Waking up.

Buddhist ethics do not simply teach sticking to the rules closely enough that you won't get punished. That's a small-time temporary solution to our bigger problems. Our biggest problem is that we're not aware. We don't pay attention to the way things really are, preferring to focus on our illusions and fears. In Buddhism, ethical behavior arises naturally out of waking up.

As Anderson writes:

Our ancestors taught that the entire universe echoes and resonates with every one of our actions. All things are so deeply connected that when you are just yourself, the entire universe is just itself. When you realize yourself, all things are realized. Being realized, you are liberated from suffering. When you are liberated, the grasses and trees, mountains and rivers, and all beings are liberated. When all living beings are liberated, you are liberated.

We spend so much of our lives in a dream, as if we were sleeping, when the entire universe is saying to us, "Wake up. We've got work to do."

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