Lesson 1: Understanding Grief
Grief and the Holidays
Holidays are traditionally the hardest times for a grieving individual. Not only is the loss of a person amplified by the many family gatherings, but also traditions suddenly remind the bereaved at every turn of the loved one who is no longer there. Similarly, friends and surviving family may place hardships upon the grieving individual, either by painstakingly seeking to avoid the mentioning of the deceased’s name, or, on the contrary, by steering every conversation to the loss of the loved one.
For this reason, many a grieving individual has gone into seclusion during holidays, and unfortunately, many a grieving person has ended her/his own life so as not to have to deal with the loss of the other person’s life.
There are a few steps a grieving person may take to alleviate some of the grief and make it through the holidays.
- Acknowledge and express your feelings. Do not feel that you must pretend to be cheery, when inside you all but scream. Feeling a stronger than usual sadness is a normal occurrence during holidays; be certain to seek out a support network (friends, family, support group, etc.) prior to the advent of the holiday.
- Define the ground rules and communicate them openly. For example, will you feel comfortable in joining the family for Thanksgiving dinner this year, or would you prefer to come for dessert instead? Would you like to have a full house during the holidays, or would you prefer to go to someone else’s house? Do you feel comfortable reminiscing with the family or your friends about your loved one, or would you rather s/he not be a topic of conversation? Do you want to stay in town or maybe spend this Thanksgiving in Mexico on a backpacking trip?
- Take yourself out of the spotlight. Perhaps it will help doing something different for a holiday, such as volunteering at a homeless shelter, or inviting someone with whom you never celebrated the holiday to join you.
- Permit yourself to have fun. Remember that all bereaved individuals will eventually laugh and love again, so don’t fear to be unseemly when you find yourself enjoying the holidays.
If, however, you find that you have thoughts that scare you, such as suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately! There are a variety of organizations that are only a phone-call or an e-mail away. Don’t wait until later, seek help immediately!
Resources include:
- Suicide Hotlines (phone directory broken down by state)
- Crisis Link Hotline (phone number 1-800-SUICIDE)
- Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (suicide prevention booklet)
- Arrange an eTherapy Session (via e-mail or chat)
