Lesson 1: Understanding Grief
Introduction
The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines “grief” as a “deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement.“
Naturally, such a description does little justice to the depth of the emotion, the all-encompassing pain it gives, and the far-reaching long-term effects on a person’s life it wreaks. At times it appears that grief is all there is within an affected life, yet this outlook rarely lasts a life-time. Those on the outside of this emotion, however, it appears that there is no change within the bereaved individual, and some secretly harbor a resentment, wishing the bereaved would finally “get over it” and move on with life. This first set of lessons will acquaint us with the face of grieve itself, its natural progression, and also factors that impede healing, such as the pain of experiencing a holiday for the first time without the loved one.
The Stages of Grief
While the dictionary definition gives a good all-encompassing explanation of the emotion, it does not do justice to the feelings associated with it. Most everyone has to deal with the inevitable certainty of death -- one’s own, and that of loved ones. Yet, even though all but the youngest of us are aware of this, not everyone is equipped to handle the grief that accompanies such knowledge. Granted, many will put off dealing with the knowledge until a later point, yet far too often this “later” arrives sooner than many thought possible. The truth of the matter is that grief is a highly personal emotion.
Researchers have long since been fascinated with examining the end of life, its effect on the dying individual as well as on those left behind. Being inspired by the possibility of pinpointing the moment a person’s spirit leaves the body or perhaps by a personal need to come to terms with the end of life for themselves, researchers have spent much time and effort on death. Those inspired to help others with the transition from life to death have spent much time with the dying and their families, often in hospice settings, to help ease the pain and grief. This latter group of researchers has been able to identify certain similarities within groups of grieving individuals. Two such researchers are Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and Dr. Roberta Temes.
Dr. Kubler-Ross is an international authority on the subject of the research on death, dying, and grief. A psychiatrist who received her education in Zurich, Switzerland, she came to the United States in 1958 where she began working with the dying within a hospital setting. It became quickly apparent to her that the treatment of those patients was woefully substandard: avoided by the staff, left in the dark about their true status of health, and oftentimes isolated from other patients, these individuals’ lives ended in loneliness and often despair. Patients and family alike were denied the opportunities to properly grieve for each other. Dr. Kubler-Ross sought to change this approach first by personal example to other physicians and staff, and later through lecturing on the subjects of death, dying and grief.
Ms. Ross wrote the book On Death and Dying, which illustrates her findings that there are at least five stages of grieving. She identifies them as:
- Denial (The this isn't/cannot be happening to me! stage)
- Anger (The why is this happening to me/now? stage)
- Bargaining (The I promise I'll be a better person if... stage)
- Depression (The I don't care anymore stage)
- Acceptance (The I'm ready for whatever comes. Bring it on! stage.)
- Overall numbness (The mechanical functioning and social insulation behavior)
- Disorganization (The intensely painful feelings of loss experience)
- Reorganization (The re-entry into a more 'normal' social life behavior)
