College Strategies

Lesson 2: The Search for Food and Comfort: Making Friends

So you made acquaintances, what next?

So you are playing intramural soccer, you joined a club, you talk to people in class and on public transit but you feel you know everyone yet have no friends?

Usually in a two-person situation both wait for the other person to initiate further contact, whether that is outside of the class or locker –room. If you seem to get along great but you only see your ‘buddy’ in a somewhat formal situation (lets call school and sport formal, because it is something you don’t do together on purpose.) consider making the first move yourself. It shouldn’t be as hard as asking someone out on a date (unless if that is the intention!) so just drop the bomb sometime after practice and make it sound casual. “Do you guys wanna have lunch?” seems like a good line. Sometimes though people are actually not able to go for good reasons, even if you might want to. So don’t be discouraged when everyone comes up with a perfect excuse, they are probably just really busy. Give them a casual “perhaps some other time then” answer and smile.

If you were trying to ask someone out on a date, get over it. You can give her/him your number and she can call when she has time or feels up for it. If she/he doesn’t, you know enough. The best way to go about this though is to actually become “friends” with the person first. Ask them out in a group situation, so they do not feel like you want to harass them right away. This can apply even if you have no romantic interest in someone else. Some people are really scared of any sort of guy-girl interaction, so before you know how someone might react to a “lets be friends” invitation have a larger group go for a beer or a snack. Another advantage is that you are less likely to run dry on topics with this one person, and you get to know the real them a bit better.

It is a common fact that “perhaps next time” becomes a very easy line that leads to absolutely nothing. There is no date and time attached to it and therefore does not mean anything. If someone seems to say no to lunch/drinks for legit reasons propose another day and see how they react to it. Do not keep insisting, instead just continue making conversation. Offer them your instant messaging address so they can add you to their list. That makes arranging an after class hangout easier because usually people have a better idea of their upcoming day in the evening. You want to find a balance between inviting people and harassing them. Great fool proof ways are to remark you will be at such-and-such location at a particular time to study or work on your next test/project. Casually mention that they can drop by if they want to study together.

If you spot someone in a cafeteria or a library with the same textbook you have somewhere on your shelf approach them and ask if they are in the class. If it is time to study for that subject anyways ask if you can join them and sometimes make a casual remark or ask them a question. “geez don’t you think the prof is a little weird sometimes?” can spark great conversation. Some people do not really like to be bugged when they study, so if the person across from you looks like he/she is about to submerge in the textbook and has built a wall of paper, books and food around them you know they want to be left alone.

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