Lesson 1: Who are you? Writing your Money Story
My Money is Funny
I speak from experience as a person who could say “my money is funny” and I actually meant it. Not only have my money experiences been funny, but they have at times been so devastating that I have had to laugh to keep from breaking into sobs. The lectures to come will go into more detail on my ups and the downs and the reasons why I have come full circle and have faith that can move mountains. Why? Because I know what it’s like to wait until midnight and pay day before I could make withdrawals from the atm.
I also know what its like to look confident in my business suit while waiting to file bankruptcy, while feeling small and insignificant on the inside. I remember being approached by countless people who kept assuming I was their attorney because I was wearing a suit. That made me feel worse because I wanted to think that my college degrees and my good intentions protected me from financial devastation, but they didn’t. I still feel the sting of humiliation from running out of the courtroom from my creditors so that I wouldn’t be approached regarding repayment.
I even know what it's like to have 2 college degrees but no money for a pack of m and m's. Believe me, my money has been funny and my experiences have been funnier.
I have always prided myself on doing the right thing. I knew that my common sense was best. But in my twenties, the holes in my life plan were exposed and my sense of security and my self confidence drained out of my life.
After attending graduate school, I launched what I thought would be a short job search. However, my job search lasted nearly 9 months and my pile of bills lasted longer. Ultimately, I found a job with a good salary but the financial damage had already been done. I had already lost all my credibility with VISA and everyone else. I went without health insurance, car insurance and any other kind of assurance. After being buried in debt and being harassed by creditors for a year, I filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy. By that time, I was already bankrupt emotionally, physically and financially.
I am one of many who have found themselves financially strapped with bills piling up and phone calls from creditors coming as regularly as an alarm clock. According to Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi’s book “The Two Income Trap Why Middle Class Mothers and Father’s Go Broke” Warren says “in 2003 more people will end up bankrupt than will suffer a heart attack.” Warren also says that more than 5 million families with children will file for bankruptcy by the end of the decade. Sadly enough, this figure does not include the thousands of other filers who are single or married with no children who also find themselves with few choices other than filing for bankruptcy.
It has been many years since that time in my life. Six years to be exact. However, I still remember the fear of not having enough and I still feel pangs of panic when I let my mind dwell for too long on my past mistakes. I remember seeing my account balance was -$648.78. Ultimately, this was because of a problem with hotel charges but it is a pattern I have found myself in over the years. I think I lost 5 pounds that weekend due to stress.
I know I will not file bankruptcy again, I have learned my lesson. But filing bankruptcy wasn’t where the problem ended. It is almost as if the bankruptcy was the beginning of the problem. I have had to use everything I have to fight back from my financial set-back to get to the good part of my life. I had to make changes in my finances so my financial future could be better.
I have been washed over with shame and guilt and sorrow over what I did. I didn’t need to keep the sorrow and the guilt. Punishing myself for my mistakes does not help me to get rich sooner. If you’re like me and want to improve your financial outlook while figuring out why you do what you do, then keep reading. There are resources that will help you navigate your financial path.
