Lesson 7: Family Independence
The college freshman isn't the only one who has to deal with separation anxiety. Going away to college (or even the act of going to college, even if still living at home)is a turning point in all families. The dynamics of your family will never be the same again.
Independence
Depending on your family dynamics, your child may/may not have previous experience with any/all of the following. Rather than do a crash course during the summer before college begins, I suggest you spread out these life skills over the 4 years of high school. Before beginning college your child should:
•Know how to do laundry – separate by colors, when to add bleach, how to fold, how long to dry, what settings to use
•Know the mechanics of basic banking – writing a check, entering the check in the ledger, balancing the checkbook, recording ATM debits. (Many a college freshman has run out of money because they never listed ATM withdrawals from their bank account)
•Understand and be able to handle a basic budget. (If you send your child $100 for the month, to include incidentals, entertainment and outside food purchases, s/he must understand that $90 worth of CDs the first week will keep them in the cafeteria the rest of the month with no social activities.)
•Understand and abide by the limitations of cell phone usage. (Make sure that the plan you enroll in includes long distance – they have to call mom, the girlfriend and friends in assorted locations)
•Be able to travel independently. (They can’t rely on you picking them up for every holiday or in an emergency.)
•Go over travel planning – bus, plane, ferry reservations.
•Do they have the funds or ability to pay for the reservations?
• Have they allowed enough time for traffic or unforeseen circumstances?
• Are they comfortable traveling in a taxi?
• Do they have experience with tipping drivers or porters?
• Plan good eating habits and stay within the allowed food plan. (The “Freshman 15” is not an urban myth; many college students gain 5-15 pounds the first semester due to poor eating habits.) If the cafeteria plan allows for 15 trips to the cafeteria per week and your child has 3 meals and 3 snacks the first day, s/he will be hungry by the end of the week or you will be asked to add funds to the meal plan.
• Apply for a job and hold a position while maintaining academic standards and extracurricular responsibilities. (Personal note: All 3 of my children worked during high school, but I preferred that they not have a job first semester in college. If their grades were acceptable, I allowed them the option of getting a job second semester. Two did, one chose to live on what I sent him)
Family Projects
Have your child visit the doctor for a thorough check-up prior to leaving for college. Some colleges require a physical; others need updated immunizations. Have this appointment scheduled in January at the latest. (Some of the immunizations require 3 visits over 9 months).
Consider a tetanus shot if your child has not had one in 10 years.
Make an appointment with the eye doctor, if applicable. You may want to consider a spare pair of glasses, contacts or prescription sunglasses.
Have your child visit the dentist for a cleaning and routine dental care.
You may wish to have your daughter visit the gynecologist for an exam. (Personal note: I offered my daughter the option to discuss birth control with the gynecologist. I did not think she was sexually active at the time, but I wanted her to have contraceptive information available.)
Make sure your health insurance policy will cover your child while away at college. Find out if there are any restrictions. Sometimes it is beneficial to enroll in the college-offered plan. You may want to check if the doctors, and the hospital in particular, in the new college town accept your insurance. Make sure your child has their copy of the health insurance card with them at all times.
Update/upgrade your child’s cell phone plan to include the college area, home, and any significant friends/relatives in other locations.
Update/upgrade your child’s computer or laptop. Some colleges offer a laptop or desktop computer as part of a package.
Open a bank account with your child if possible. It is easiest to have a local bank in your area that also has a branch in the college town. If this is not possible, consider having 2 accounts – your child will have a checking account in the college town to pay for books, supplies, etc. The account that is linked to your bank allows you the convenience of depositing money and having your child withdraw it via an ATM machine. It will also allow you to check the account online if necessary. (So you don’t get a frantic phone call at 11 PM that s/he has 32 cents in the account!)
Check with your car insurance agent. If your child has a car which is remaining at home, you may be able to suspend the policy while s/he is in school. (Personal note: We suspended my son’s insurance from September through May. It saved over $2000 for the year. It was inconvenient during the winter 4 week break to share a car, but it worked out. The insurance company usually will not let you suspend and unsuspend at whim. We had to do it for the full school year.)
If your health insurance will cover your child adequately, be sure to sign the college health insurance waiver. This can save your family $500-$1000 per year.
Try to get a 3 month renewal on all your child’s prescription medications before s/he leaves for school. You can refill the prescriptions at the winter break and again at spring break.
If your child has a job, encourage him/her to discuss future employment during long breaks, holiday weekends and summer vacations. (That is, if s/he wants to return to the same job. It is often difficult to get hired for only 4 weeks in winter or 2-3 months in the summer.)
Find out if your homeowner’s insurance policy will cover your child’s possessions while away at school. (Many do) If not, it might be prudent to get an “umbrella” policy. Some schools offer dorm room insurance. Computers, musical instruments, bicycles etc. can be costly to replace.
