Writing a Children's Book
Lesson 6: Writing the Middle.
Dialogue and Style.
Dialogue DOs and Dialogue DON’Ts
Dialogue is even more important in children’s books than in books for adults, and most of the points about writing good dialogue apply equally. Here are some dialogue Dos and Donts.
Do aim for dialogue that sounds natural, not for dialogue that is natural. Natural dialogue is full of inconsequential small talk, pauses, petering out and other junk. That’s fine in Fact, but not in Fiction.
Do take notice of the way children and teenagers speak. They don’t sound like adults.
Do make your young first person narrator sound his/her age.
Do clean up the dialogue a bit. Most editors don’t like faithfully-reproduced swearing.
Do make sure dialogue performs one of the *three major functions.
Do set dialogue out properly. (See Lesson 8.)
Don’t put inappropriate dialogue in the mouths of your characters. (Your characters are not you.)
Don’t reflect reality in those endless Did, did not, did, did not exchanges in which children often indulge.
Three Major Functions of Dialogue
1. To convey information. 2. To illustrate character. 3. To move the story onwards.
Two More Functions of Dialogue
4. To break up narrative. 5. To amuse and entertain.
Style
Writing style is often subjective, but there are a few points on which most people agree.
Style Dos and Don’ts
Do use a clear style for children’s books.
Don’t confuse the terms “clear” and “bland”.
Don’t be afraid to use adventurous styles, as long as the meaning is clear.
Don’t use clichés or weak verbs or weak adjectives.
Don’t use too many adjectives and adverbs. One strong one is worth several weak ones.
Don’t be afraid to use the word “said”. Use an unadorned “said” around seven times out of every ten. Why? Because it is invisible.
Do use specific terms rather than general ones. Use “dalmation” or “spaniel” instead of the generic “dog”.
Don’t use intrusive author asides. These are out of fashion (unless you’re Lemony Snicket).
Don’t use run-on sentences.
Don’t use very long sentences.
Do make sure your sentences really are sentences, with a subject, object and verb.
Do remember that sometimes the subject is “understood” rather than actually present in a sentence. For example: “Sit down here.” The subject is “You (understood)”.
Style to Match Genre and Age Level.
Your writing style should match the genre and age level of your manuscript. For example; the style for a fast-moving adventure is probably less ornamental than the style for a baroque fantasy. Below are some short passages of style, showing the demands of different types of mss. These excerpts are all from my own books; in part because I hold copyright and can legally reproduce the passages, and in part to show that one author can achieve lots of different styles.
YA science fiction thriller ("Trinity Street").
Tell began a cautious sidestroke, legs and arms moving minimally to avoid any more painful shocks. It was only another hundred metres to go, now, and here came another wave, swelling silently from the ocean, bearing her in its bosom like a salty Abraham.
The gulls were crying, and if she could hear that then her ears could not be badly damaged. No doubt she had water in them and would get swimmers' ear ... a few drops of paraffin oil would serve to dry them out. And the main thing was life.
The wave dumped her on a beach.
Fantasy SCB. ("Candle Iron").
Allyso lifted her chin at that. 'I never said I was a hero, Keeper. I said I was Allyso.'
The grinding continued and the Keeper bloomed out of the darkness. It was as if the rock itself had come alive but it wasn't only the mode of arrival that made Allyso stare.
'You- you're a dragon!' she faltered. And so it was, the first she had ever seen. It blinked at her with heavy-lidded eyes, black as pools of ink, full of the thoughts of the ages.
'I am a gemdrake,' creaked the dragon, 'but why have you disturbed me, halfling?'
Allyso swallowed. 'I need the time-gem,' she said.
The gemdrake roared, and the sound was borne on a gust of sulphurous breath that made Allyso cower away from the gate. She was aware, out of the corner of her eye, that Tollerman was crouched behind her.
Science Fiction JCB. ("Sleepless in Space").
Cru-unch. Clunk! And a little jolt.
What was that?
Nothing, I told myself. I'm the only one awake, and I didn't crunch or clunk. I must have been dreaming.
I tried to sleep. Eleven more months of this!
Clunk! Scrittttch!
There was no jolt this time, but I knew I wasn't dreaming. It sounded like someone docking a space-hop rocket.
It can't be! I thought. Not all the way out here! But the more I listened, the more it sounded like that. But - a space-hop rocket? A month away from the moon?
Comments on the Styles.
The YA style is allusive. The passage “bearing her in its bosom like a salty Abraham” is something that wouldn’t work in a JCB, but most literate teenagers would get the point.
The SCB has a similar piece of text “the Keeper bloomed out of the darkness”. Here the verb “bloomed” is used in an unusual fashion. Older child readers would accept this, but seven-year-olds might be puzzled.
The JCB plays no such tricks, and the words and sentences are all short and easily understood.
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