Christian Parenting 101

Lesson 8: When you fear it is too late...

Teenage Paganism

Nothing is more heart-wrenching to the Christian parent, than seeing a child descend into paganism of any kind, be it witchcraft, various earth religions, or simply another religion altogether. Many a Christian parent questions the upbringing they have offered their children and some go so far as to refuse to acknowledge their child any further, effectively cutting all contact and burning all bridges.

Remembering back to the parable of the Prodigal Son, the father in that story left the door open, which allowed the son, once he came to his senses, to return to him, confident that he would be received. If you slam that door shut, your child will not attempt to seek you out, even if they are ready to let go of the paganism they embraced in the days of their rebellion.

Some practical suggestions to remember:

• You can set the table; it is your child’s decision to sit down at it
  Anybody who wants to come to Christ needs to follow the same rules (1); s/he needs to have a sincere desire to be a Christian, be willing to deny her/himself for the sake of the Christian lifestyle (2), and take on the responsibility to further the gospel (3). If you train your child in these aspect by your word and deed, s/he will by far be more likely to follow in your footsteps, however, there is no guarantee.
• Consider the maturity
  It is unwise to attempt to push a preteen or young teen to make a life changing decision they are not equipped to make by virtue of their immaturity. It is better to wait and allow the child to mature further, than to strong-arm them into pleasing you by being baptized, while their hearts and souls are far from God. The latter would serve only to embitter them against your teachings, and against a God whom they perceive to be performance orientated, and not loving and accepting of His creation. If, for the sake of argument, your child is beginning to announce s/he is a witch, please remember that s/he may just want everyone to pay attention to her/him, which is easily accomplished by claiming to be a witch. Some kids may turn to witchcraft because it is glorified as 'cool' on TV and in pop culture.
• Understand that children are easily deceived
  The Bible warns us that our hearts are deceitful (4), and this also holds true for a child’s heart. This deceitfulness may make them easy prey to religions alternative to the ones the parents profess. Shouting matches inside the home, threats, or worse will not bring about a change of heart. Instead, it will likely bring about a stubbornness of heart, and it will close any avenues of communication. Instead, parents must continue on their own personal path with God, and explain to the minors that as long as they choose to live within the family home, they are expected to attend church with the parents; however, once they have graduated high school, found a paying job, and are able to move out on their own and support themselves, they are free to choose to come to church or follow their new-found interests. Additionally, some children will think that being a witch will give them power which they feel they lack in every-day life; they may hope for magic spells to turn a person who is oblivious to their very existence into a love interest. Part of this thinking is immaturity, for sure. Another part, however, deals with a sense of lack of empowerment, and you, the parent, must soberly question yourself if you have parented within the framework of your child’s age, or within the framework of your child’s perceived age. If you treat a teen like s/he is still 10 years old, you will leave her/him feeling powerless; the best way to wean a child from such a feeling, is to slowly but gradually involve them in the family decisions that are being made, and also by allowing them to exercise more control (within reason) over the aspects of their own lives. Please check the privileges you have allotted to your child, and seek to understand if something is missing. If it is within reason to grant your child’s requests, do so and the interest of finding a quick fix for lack of empowerment will soon wane.
• Don’t bail her/him out!
  Let’s say that your child is in an all-out rebellion. Many a parent makes the mistake of seeking to protect their child from consequences of their actions; they are willing to pay fines, bail out of jail, hire lawyers, etc. This is the wrong course of action, if your child is rebelling, s/he must feel the sting of the consequences. This does not mean turning a blind eye to potentially dangerous situations, but it does mean that if s/he loses her/his driver’s license because s/he cannot pay the numerous tickets accumulated, then so be it. Again, please note that the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son did not bail out his son, instead, he was waiting to receive him with open arms, once he was ready to return. Had he rescued him from the pigpen prior to the son’s having his epiphany, there would not have been the opportunity of a character change.
• Pray!
  Don’t rely on yourself to lead your child to God. This is a team effort between you, your church, your child’s God-fearing teachers and friends, and, of course, God. God is the strongest team-member you can wish for. Pray to Him for your child’s soul relentlessly, consistently, and deeply.
• When things go very wrong...cults
  If your child’s infatuation with another religion goes awry, and you find s/he is being drawn into a cult, it is time to act decisively and immediately. There is not time to lose, and a good place to get started are the AFF resources about psychological manipulation, cult groups, sects, and new religious movements . They offer a great network of cult and sect information, help, and counseling services. It is noteworthy that cult/sect involvement is different from dabbling with alternative religions in the time of rebellion against parental rule. The former is a sign of psychological harm being imposed upon a minor which usurps parental control, while the latter is usually something that involves a short phase of time, and can generally be dealt with within the family unit.

(1) Mark 8:34-38
(2) 2 Corinthians 5:15
(3) Mark 1:17, Matthew 28:18-20
(4) Jeremiah 17:9

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