Christian Parenting 101

Lesson 7: Can Teenagers be parented with Christian Principles?

Applying Christian principles is never too late, unfortunately, if a parent has not laid a solid Christian foundation within the home, the effect of the principles applied later on in life may take some time to bear fruit. Nonetheless, with God all things are possible, and He blesses our every effort. It is never too late for our children.

What the parents of teenagers must remember are their own teenage years, filled with insecurity, aching to fit in, assaulted by bodily changes that went beyond logical explanation, and emotional ups and downs so steep, there left some almost debilitated. During this trying time it is the parent’s responsibility to be the voice of reason, the assurance of love, and the solid part of the family that will love the teen no matter how unlovable s/he may appear at any given time.

Further, parents must come to terms with the fact that their child is growing up. While many decisions must still be made on the child’s behalf, s/he can no longer be treated as if s/he were 10 years young. Parents must learn how to treat their kids with respect like the young adults they were becoming. There are several factors that will assist in the successful Christian parenting of teenagers.

Unconditional Love

Without being solicited to do so, repeatedly and sincerely tell your teens you love them. Cards, gifts, money, etc. are all nice and well, but nothing can replace a sincerely verbalized “I love you” and a big hug to go with it.

As parents, it is vital that our expressions of love are not tied to performance, either personal or academic. Teens worry about not only being popular, but also about their futures. They worry about college, work, or lack thereof. Do not add to the stress by leading your teen to believe that s/he has to earn your love by performing according to your standards. Instead, offer yourself as a safe place where your teen can come and escape from the pressure, the worry, and the temptations of life and adulthood.

Even if you find it hard to believe in your child, do so anyway. Compliment her/him, sincerely and specifically on anything you can think of. Remind them of their positive qualities and achievements. (1)

Additionally, as parents we must fight our own temptations to give in to peer pressure. When young mothers discuss the achievements of their babies, such as talking, walking, climbing, it sometimes appears as though they seek to up one another, with the implication being that an advanced baby is the product of a “good“ mother. This mindset, if cultivated, does not change during life. There will always be the pressure to keep up with the “Joneses” or maybe even do one better than that, by pushing a child to achieve for the sake of achieving, to prepare for entering an ivy league school for the sake of the reputation, and by berating the child for not living up to these parental expectations. Christian parents may very well be anxious about their child’s future, but must learn to cast these anxieties onto God’s shoulders to carry. (2)

Other practical advice, may include:

• Never tell your child they are unlovable
• Do not point out other children who may achieve higher and ask why s/he can’t follow their example
• Focus on your child’s assets, and help her/him to see them also
• Do not dismiss your child’s bad behavior as just being a “phase”, instead build them up when they act the part of the soon to be adult, and stick with the boundaries you defined

(1) Philippians 4:8
(2) 1 Peter 5:7

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