Christian Parenting 101

Lesson 6: How does a Christian Parent deal with Dating, Sex, Drugs, and Violence?

Dating

When you decide your child is ready to begin dating, it is important that your child understands that it is God’s will for the majority of people to fall in love and marry. (1) Your child must beyond the shadow of a doubt know that God has someone in mind for her/him, and so s/he should be patient and wait for God to present her/him with that life partner He has picked out for them. If a child has learned to trust in God’s goodness and foresight, it will be much easier for her/him to overcome the temptations of peer pressure and curiosity of the unknown. (2)

You will know that your child is ready to begin dating when s/he evidences a healthy respect for members of the opposite sex. Boys and girls know of the differences between the sexes, yet it is important for the Christian parent to assure their child that these differences are God-willed and good, and worthy of respect. (3) Boys must learn to respect a girls physical weaknesses, and emotional make-up. As they get older, they must be taught that women are in no way intellectually inferior to them. As they enter the dating age, the Christian parent must explain that women are not sex objects, and may not be taken advantage of, even if they are willing. Young girls must be taught to respect that boys may be a bit clumsy at times in social situations, yet “cave man” jokes are highly inappropriate. As they get older, they must learn that men are not inferior to them because they may lack social poise or not be the greatest on the dance floor. Additionally, girls should not be taught that all men are out to hurt them and therefore they should never trust a man. This could have disastrous outcomes in their marriages!

In the do’s and don’t of dating, the Christian parent should encourage their child to observe the following:

• Always date a fellow Christian
  The Bible warns us against marrying outside of our faith (4), and this conviction should be imparted to the child from an early age onward. If you make it clear that they may be friends with anyone they like, they must understand that dating is something that can only happen between God fearing individuals, preferably those who belong to the same church. Explain to your dating adolescent that an easy, non-confrontational way of deflecting dating requests from non-Christians can be an honest answer that explains that s/he wishes to date someone with whom s/he can be united spiritually.
• Ease into dating
  If you decide your child is old enough to start dating, and if s/he has an interest in another Christian, it is imperative to get them started without the pressure that accompanies worldly dates. Have them meet at a public place with plenty of other folks around. Drop off your child, and also pick her/him up at the end of the scheduled date. Teach your adolescent that car dates are inappropriate at the beginning, and s/he needs to first learn the ropes before they are allowed to ride in the car with a member of the opposite sex and without adults.
• Always insist on double dates
  Once your adolescent has matured and is allowed to ride in a car with her date, don’t allow the date to pick up your adolescent by honking a horn outside. Not only is this disrespectful, but it prevents you from the opportunity to look over the date. Make sure you smell no alcohol or cigarettes on the youngster, and if you do, gently dismiss her/him for the evening and then inform the other set of parents what happened. If you believe the youngster may be intoxicated, it is wise to request the car keys and call the parents right away. Further, once the date is thoroughly approved by you, ensure that another couple will be joining the first couple. It is imperative that you approve of the other couple as well.
• Expect purity from your child
  Sexual immorality is a sin, and therefore you must be very clear that you expect your child to adhere to the Christian code of ethics that forbids any such immorality. Instead, explain that while they are on a date, they are to view the other person as a “brother” or “sister”, and act accordingly. (5)
• No hanky-panky
  Explain to your adolescent to be careful of holding hands while dating, or touching in any way, lest it lead to temptation. The same is true for kissing.

(1) 1 Corinthians 7:1-7
(2) Jeremiah 29:11
(3) 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
(4) 2 Corinthians 6:14
(5) 1 Timothy 5:1

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