Christian Parenting 101

Lesson 6: How does a Christian Parent deal with Dating, Sex, Drugs, and Violence?

At this point of the course you know how to care for your children’s physical needs, you are aware of their spiritual needs, as well as of their emotional needs. You feel comfortable about your household, and you are confident in your disciplining. Just when we thought all was well, life throws us a curve ball...the kids get older and the issues they are facing are more adult in nature.

Every parent’s nightmare are dating, pre-marital sex, drug use, and violence. How should these issues be tackled? Can they be tackled?

Sex

When a child enters puberty, her/his sexual drive develops at lightning speed, yet her/his capability to properly understand and handle it and, subsequently, resist sexual enticement, does not. A preteen or young teenager still has much of the wide-eyed longing to please as any other child, which makes her/him especially vulnerable to adult seducers or older, sexually aggressive children. In addition to the foregoing, a preteen or young teenager is very naive, both about facts of life and the consequences of her/his actions or lack thereof.

Parents have very few options, other than to be very aware with whom the child has constant contact, and limit any contacts that appear inappropriate. Since the children at this age will clamor increasingly for freedom, simple restrictions do no longer work, yet parental questions, suggestions and guidance do. Do not be afraid to ask where your preteen or teen is going, whom they are meeting, what they are planning to do, when they will get home, and also do not be afraid to lay down some ground rules, such as no getting into a car with other preteens or teens they do not know, calling you if their plans change and they go to someone else’s house, or simply checking in during the evening to let you know all is well.

In addition to the foregoing, parents will do well to reduce the influence that movies, TV, popular music, and popular fiction exercise upon impressionable preteens and teens. Be aware what is being piped into your home via the airwaves and pull the plug, if necessary. It is better to live without satellite television for a while, than having a child watching all kinds of inappropriate shows that are sold as entertainment. (1)

In the arena of sex it is wise to tackle the issues before they come up. Doing so over the course of time, and in an age-appropriate fashion, will help your preteen or young teen to deal with them as they happen, especially if you are not there to guide them.

Some of the issues your child must be prepared to deal with are:

• Peer Pressure
  You child may feel pressure from another to sleep together before marriage to see if they are “compatible”, additionally, the peer pressure to join in on this worldly activity may easily erode a young person’s willingness to wait until marriage. Parents must begin to early on train children to understand what love really is, according to the scriptures, and not according to the world. Parents must reiterate that sex without the marriage commitment is not a sure sign of love, nor will it automatically lead to marriage. Children must understand from a very early age that love is never seeking to please itself, but is always looking out for the other person. (2)
• We’re not hurting anyone, so it cannot be wrong
  Children need to be taught early on that God is not there to spoil their fun. When God prohibits something, it is not for selfish reasons, but for our own protection. Children must be taught that sexual immorality causes unwanted pregnancies, abortions, heartache and mistrust, and single parent families. Further, children must understand that there is no such thing as a “little” immorality, because once on the road to it, it is a very slippery slope indeed. (3)
• You know you want to
  This is usually a line used to get an innocent to join in an activity against her/his better judgment. If your child has the right motivation, s/he will be able to turn away. Make it very clear to your child that with God it is entirely possible to make it through the teenage years with their peer pressure and puppy loves without succumbing to sexual immorality. It is only a matter of their decision. (4)
• Aren’t you just a little curious?
  Your child may very well be curious, yet s/he must be taught that s/he must run from this curiosity. (5) Curiosity did, indeed, kill the cat.

(1) Psalm 1:1
(2) 1 Corinthians 13:4
(3) Proverbs 6:25-27
(4) Job 31:1
(5) 1 Corinthians 6:18

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