Lesson 5: How does a single Parent set up a Christian Household?

Victory through Discipline

Previously when we discussed discipline, we referred to how to discipline a child. At this juncture, it is noteworthy that this is the time a parent must exercise the utmost level of self-discipline. Some of the most commonly made mistakes are:

• Self-Pity
  Questions like “why is this happening to me” or “nobody understands what I’m going through” are destructive to the parent (and by extension, to the child). It is time to realize that each person has a “cross to bear”, and just because someone is married does not make their lives a breeze. While it is ok to have feelings of hurt and anger, and while it is ok to occasionally express them to the children (in a very guarded manner), it is not ok to dwell on these feelings day in and day out. This is a test of faith, but God is very clear that He will never give a parent more s/he can handle. (1)
• Shame
  Not being able to hold a relationship together, having a child out of wedlock, having to constantly explain the single parent status to every official within earshot -- the teachers, doctors, insurance agents, employers, friends, acquaintances, family members, the child’s friends’ parents, the PTA, the soccer coaches, etc., all these add to the constant feelings of guilt a single parent may carry around. For this reason, the single parent may be hesitant to discipline her/his child, considering themselves to be the reason for the child’s (allegedly) tragic state of life. It is time to let go of the guilt. The past is over and cannot be changed. It is time to move forward, and claim God’s forgiveness and grace. It is time to not only forgive the absentee parent, but also yourself.(2)
• Negativity
  A single parent must learn to accept the inevitable. S/He must sort out what is important enough to get concerned over, and what is a minor issue that should go by the wayside. When the complexity of a single parent’s lifestyle threatens to become an overwhelming flood, it is time to focus with thanksgiving on the positive aspects of the life, its blessings. Are the children healthy? Is the parent healthy? Does s/he live in a house/apartment? Is there food in the fridge? Is there a car in the garage? Does the phone ring and a friend is on the other end? Is someone calling just to say “hi”? Is there a kitchen table on which to put the food that’s in the fridge? Is there a coat hanging in the closet? Do the shoes have soles? Is there a family pet? Has God taught you something amazing today? Taking stock of one’s life is the best medicine to counteract a lack of gratitude, and with it the resultant lack of focus.

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