Christian Parenting 101

Lesson 4: Which Methods of Discipline are right, which are wrong?

The Failure of all Discipline lies with Parental Error

If children are overall unruly, rude, obstinate, and downright disrespectful of their elders, it is not the child’s fault; the blame squarely rests on the parents who allow the child act this way. Children are not born with character flaws; these flaws are acquired later on. The same is true for well-behaved children: children, who are overall obedient, respectful, polite, and compliant, were not born that way. Again, these character traits are bred into the child; they are not genetically acquired.

It is true that children are born with different dispositions, some are more strong-willed than others are, and some are more outgoing and adventurous, while others are more hesitant and slower to socialize. Parents must recognize their children’s overall characters and then help them to bring out the good aspects of their personality, while teaching them to control the negative ones.

Unfortunately, parental authority has become weakened. Yet while many blame society, popular music, the educational system, or the churches they attend, it is sad to note that parental authority has been usurped because parents allow it to happen; the only person whom God charged with raising a child is a parent. While it may take a village to raise a child, the ultimate responsibility for seeing to it that the raising happens, lies with the parent.

Here are some things the effective parent must avoid at all costs:

• An inability to be firm
  Little Johnny breaks the vase because he violates the rule of playing soccer in the house. The question is, is this the first time the rule is violated? If not, did the parents have knowledge that the rule was broken previously but chose to let it pass (he didn‘t kick the ball so high then)? Parental inability to be firm sets the tone for a household of arbitrarily enforced rules, and power struggles are all but guaranteed. (1)
• An inability to hold her/his anger in check
  If little Johnny is berated verbally for breaking the vase, if he is called “stupid”, “clumsy”, or “idiotic”, any possibility of correcting his behavior is gone. Little Johnny will not hear the correction; the nasty words the parent used earlier will still be ringing in his ears, even after the parent has calmed down. The same is true for physical acting out, if the parent beings to slap little Johnny in anger, or perhaps punch him or kick him, there is no correction that takes place, only child abuse. Discipline affects undesirable behavior, parental anger does not.
• An unwillingness to confront the behavior
  Let’s say that little Johnny is playing with his soccer ball in the house again, yet mom and dad, guilty they haven’t kept their promise to take him to the park, turn a blind eye to their son’s disobedience. Next time little Johnny wants to play inside the house with his soccer ball, there is nothing to stop him, he can respond to his parents that “last time it was ok”, adding to their guilt and hesitancy to enforce the rules.
• An unwillingness to say “yes”
  Many a parent is too quick to say “no”, so children often give up even asking. They simply act on their own. Little Johnny wants to play soccer inside the house, but knows it’s forbidden. Instead of taking his soccer ball and disregarding the rule, he takes his much smaller Nerf ball and asks dad if he can play with it in the dining room. Dad can weigh the request, and then suggest the hallway, where no vases are in the way of the soft, small ball. The accident is avoided, the rule upheld, and the avenue of child-parent communication is well traveled.
• An unwillingness to stick to Biblical discipline
  Bookshelves are full with self-help, how-to, and parenting books. The talks show circuits are brimming with the “latest” discovery of how to parent effectively with a minimum of time and effort. Yet, as long as the human mind is in charge, and not God, all attempts will be in vain. (2) In addition to the foregoing, if the parenting style changes every week, the child will not know what to expect, and will almost constantly attempt to define the boundaries set for her/him by rebelling against them.

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