Christian Parenting 101

Lesson 3: How does a Parent discipline a Child's Heart?

Controlling the Self-Will

From the moment a child learns to crawl, there will be a battle of wills. The child’s will can be found in struggle against the parents’ will on a daily basis. In those early days of toddler-hood, the child will seek to explore boundaries set for them by the parents and other adults. The parents will seek to keep their child safe via those boundaries, and quite firmly insist on their being kept. Yet, as the child grows older, and as the boundaries shift, many a parent loses the will to enforce every boundary once set, and children begin to sense a certain liquidity within the framework of rules and regulations; thus, a merciless testing of the parental determination will ensue, and the battle of the wills is in full swing. To nip this in the bud, two simple rules can be followed:

• Set rules.
  This sounds simple, but it isn’t. Many a child honestly does not know what to expect on a day to day basis. This is partially due to parents’ moods or level of tiredness. This is not fair to the child. In order to obey a rule, the child must know what the rule is, when it is in effect, and what the scope of the rule is. In other words, is it ok for Johnny to play in the house with his soccer ball when dad is there, never, always, or sometimes? Little Johnny cannot be held responsible for breaking the vase if he didn’t know he was violating a rule.
• Abide by the rules.
  Once the rules are set, and the children understand the rules, they must be followed consistently. If a child breaks a rule in error, the parent must gently reaffirm the rule that was broken, and help the child to see and understand her/his error. If, however, a rule was broken in defiance, the parent will need to discipline the child for the defiance. The meting out of discipline must be in keeping with the offense, immediate, and concise. At this point you are in a power struggle with your child, and you cannot afford to loose.

  1  2  3  4  5