Baby Care: First Year

Lesson 3: Bonding: Building Attachment

Attachment Tools

Nature has given you all the knowledge you need to care for your baby, but our modern culture often makes it difficult to follow your instincts. The following practices can help.

Begin at birth. Get off to a good start by keeping your baby close during the time shortly after birth when you and he are first learning about one another.

Respond sensitively to his cries. His cry is part of his language. When you respond appropriately to his cries, he learns to trust you to meet his needs, and he learns to trust his ability to communicate. This is how he eventually learns to talk.

Breastfeed your baby. The mothering hormones produced when you breastfeed, prolactin and oxytocin, help you feel calm and relaxed so you can better read and respond to him. Working away from your baby will not prevent you from breastfeeding him when you are together.

Carry your baby. "Wear" him in a baby sling or other carrier that keeps him close to you for most of the day. He will spend more time in a state of quiet alertness if he is carried. Keeping him close also allows you to be more sensitive to his needs. (See pages 266 to 274 in The Baby Book for instructions on babywearing.)

Sleep close to your baby. Sleeping close to your baby will help you meet his nighttime needs. You and he will both likely sleep better when you sleep together. When he wakes during the night next to you, he is more likely to drift back to sleep than if he wakes alone. Sharing sleep allows parents who are away from their babies during the day to reconnect.

Many experts believe that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), also called crib death, is a disorder of breathing control during sleep, during which your baby is unable to wake himself. Your presence helps your baby breathe better, and keeps him from sleeping too deeply, the time when episodes of irregular breathing and apnea are more likely to happen. (See pages 585 to 595 in The Baby Book for more information on lowering your baby's risk of SIDS.)

Care for yourself. You can't meet your baby's needs adequately if you don't also meet your own. He needs healthy parents. Accept help and support from family and friends, set priorities, put people before things, and don't try to do too much.

Trust your instincts You will inevitably encounter a person who suggests that you act against your instincts in parenting your baby. New parents are particularly vulnerable to advisers who imply that they are not doing the best thing for their baby. Trust your instincts. If you don't know what to do, seek more information. Don't do something that doesn't feel right.

(See pages 2 to 17 in The Baby Book for more information on attachment tools.)

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