Baby Care: First Year

Lesson 1: New Parenthood: Postpartum Family Adjustments

Babyproofing Your Marital Relationship

Work together to meet your baby's needs, and help one another adjust to your new roles as parents so that your baby's arrival will make your marital relationship closer. Both of you are putting your personal interests on hold. It's impossible to split your baby's care fifty-fifty, so at times, one parent provides more of his care. Try not to keep track of who is sacrificing more. The important thing is that your baby receives quality care and a chance to bond and build attachment with both of his parents.

For Mothers: Take maternity leave if possible. Spend the first two weeks focusing on your newborn. Don't try to do too many other things. Consider hiring a doula to care for you (not your baby.) A doula's postpartum services include household chores or anything else that takes your energy away from your baby. Other helpers can do this job as well.

Some mothers feel reluctant to let their baby's father do his share of the baby care. If you feel this way, begin by doing basic tasks together such as bathing and changing diapers. Then pick out the tasks that you most need help with, and tell him exactly what you want him to do. He also needs the chance to learn to read and respond appropriately to your baby's cues.

For Fathers: Take paternity leave if possible. You're responsible for caring for your new baby and his mother while she recuperates from the birth. Help around the house. Make sure your baby and his mother have everything they need. You also need to develop nurturing skills, so do your share of baby comforting.

It's not uncommon for fathers to feel left out of the initial close attachment between their baby and his mother. Communicate your feelings to avoid building resentments that will harm your relationship and your abilities as a new parent.

Sex: After you give birth, your mothering hormones replace your sexual hormones. This is nature's way of insuring that your baby is cared for. For several months, and possibly not until weaning, you may not have the interest or energy for sex. Assure your mate that you still need him.

When you do feel ready for sex again, proceed slowly. You will probably experience vaginal dryness during the months after childbirth because the hormones that release a protective lubricant are at a lower level during lactation. Use a water-based lubricant to ease dryness. Take care with a partially healed episiotomy or tear. It is natural for your breasts to leak milk during sex. Experiment with different positions to avoid putting pressure on your perineum or breasts. And always be prepared for the possibility of being interrupted.

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