Telecommuting

Lesson 4: Outside the Office

Balancing your work and your marriage

When one spouse works at home and the other works outside the home, many unique issues can arise. Nipping these issues in the bud early can curb potential problems before they start and even prevent severe marital problems in the future. Keep in mind that I am not a marriage counselor and that any serious marital problems should be addressed by a professional. That being said, here are a few common issues that can cause problems in a marriage when one partner is a telecommuter:

Resentment
It’s very common for the in-office partner to begin to resent the situation of the work-at-home partner. “It’s just not fair that he/she gets to stay home all day while I work,” the partner will say. “I wish I could get paid for doing nothing,” is another common sentiment. These feelings can lead to real problems in a marriage if one feels that the telecommuter is not pulling his/her weight in the household. The telecommuter may also feel resentment that the partner does not appreciate how hard telecommuting actually is. Telecommuting is far from “doing nothing.”

My advice is to sit down and talk about these issues openly and honestly. The in-office partner should feel free to express his concerns, and the telecommuter should listen and repeat what she has heard. The telecommuter should then voice her opinion, and the in-office partner should do the attentive listening. When both sides feel they understand what the other is saying, the two should talk about how to overcome these feelings of resentment.

One good idea is that the in-office partner stays home and sees what the telecommuter does all day. That should give him a good idea of how hard a telecommuter actually works. The telecommuter should also try not to “rub it in the partner’s face” that she is enjoying the telecommuting lifestyle, especially if the in-office partner would like to work from home but can’t for whatever reason. Mutual respect on both sides should help curb any resentment issues in a marriage.

Belittling
I talked about what happens when the in-office partner thinks the telecommuter “sits around and does nothing” all day. I’ve also talked about what happens when family members think the telecommuter is a stay-at-home parent and/or maid. It’s hard enough to successfully telecommute without someone telling you you’re lazy and unimportant. You have to address these issues directly before any real problems develop.

As I said before, my best advice is to be open and honest. Many times, the in-office partner does not actually feel that the telecommuter is lazy and unproductive. Rather, it’s just a matter of miscommunication. Get your feelings out in the open and talk about them without accusations or emotions. Get the root of the problem, and then work together to solve the problem.

Scheduling conflicts
This is probably the most common marital problem with telecommuting. Hours can vary greatly when you work from home, so it’s vitally important to set aside time for your partner, especially if you have kids. Go on “dates” at least once a month, just you and your partner. Spend time together after the kids go to bed. Wake up early and have breakfast together. Steal those special little moments to keep your marriage exciting.

See Chapter 6, “Working At Home Can Enhance Your Relationship” in The Work At Home Balancing Act for more information.

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