Lesson 4: Permanent Positive Changes for a Lifetime
A Letter from Teresa Brouwer
To All My Wonderful Students,
Designing this workshop has been a very personal process for me. A lot of information was based on my own experiences as well. Rehashing those memories made me realize all the positive changes that happened in my life.
When I was in the relationship, I believed that I was stuck in it forever. My ex-husband would threaten me with the children and even threatened my life. He told me that he would put a gun to my head and kill me in the street.
There are so many people that understand what you are going through. You just have to find them, just like you found this workshop. People really do care and they are there to help.
Things don't have to last forever and there is always a better way. It is in our own hands now to make a change and to make a difference in our lives. One reason why abuse exists is due to power and control. The abuser wants power. Slowly a lot of us gave up our power.
We could get our power back! The first thing we must do is, leave the situation. It is the hardest thing to do, I know. Especially, when kids are involved. All we want is the perfect life for our children and ourselves.
I would make excuses for him. I blamed his childhood and said it wasn't his fault. I would say that he really is a good guy and that he has a big heart. I would say that he has problems that he has to work out.
I had three kids in my first marriage and it was so hard. To top it off, they were all girls: three daughters. I knew that I needed to set an example. But it was still scary and very hard, but I did it. I just screamed loud and clear.
The funny thing is that abusers want power so much, but at the same time they have such low self-esteem of themselves. They need us more than we need them. We must turn the tables on them and take our power back and show them who is boss.
When we stop showing fear and start showing the abuser that we are in control of our feelings and lives, the outcome is amazing. I cannot guarantee that this works for everyone, I haven't read anything about this, but this statement is solely based on my experience.
When I left my ex-husband and I didn't go back to him, it made things worse at first, but when I designed and filed our legal separation agreement, I believe it made him realize that he cannot hurt me anymore.
When I was married to him, he would threaten to bash in my car windshield. I would say give me a bat and I will bash it with you. Once I started to fight back and show less fear, my strength and courage became stronger and stronger.
I started to fight back more towards the end of the relationship, though. I didn't hit back, of course, but I just stood up for myself more. I told him to stop and back off. I threatened to call the cops, he feared the police for some reason. At times I did call the cops to show him I meant business.
But in the end it all worked out for the best. And it could work out for you, too. Take the first step and go get the help you need.
Everyone deserves a good life, a healthy life, and a happy life. You don't deserve to be abused. You are worth it. You are worth living and breathing. You are worth laughing and smiling. You are worth leading a fulfilling life filled with happy times and you are worth being surrounded by people who love and respect you.
I wish you all the best of luck!
Love,
Teresa Brouwer
