Lesson 2: Steps to Leaving the Relationship
Surviving Divorce
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first BE who you really are, then, DO what you need to do, in order to HAVE what you want." -Margaret Young
A lot of men and women believe that by exchanging vows before God means that they are obligated to stand by their spouse in sickness and in health. Although, this may be true, first we must clarify "sickness" and "health."
Health: Physical condition, wellbeing, healthiness, and strength. Sickness: Illness, disease, virus, and bug.
The word abuse isn't described in sickness and in health. Alcoholics have a disease, but it has been stated that alcohol has nothing to do with the abuse, therefore, the disease isn't the issue, but the abuse is.
If a spouse were to become crippled, incompetent, paralyzed, and unable to work that I believe is considered physical condition. If a spouse had cancer, that is an illness or disease.
Abuse: mistreatment, cruelty, violence, and neglect.
Abuse is the issue, abuse is the problem, and the abuse needs to end.
Grounds for Divorce:
Every state has there own divorce laws. You have to find out what the grounds for divorce are in the state you live in. You can log onto http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/ and find information about divorce in every state and this website offers other useful resources.
Legal Separation:
Most states accept a legal separation for grounds of a divorce. You and your spouse must be legally separated for one year. After the first year, you and your spouse can file for a divorce.
Do It Yourself:
A lot of people are unaware of the fact that a person can design and issue their own legal separation. Many books on do it yourself divorce are offered in libraries.
"My ex-husband and I didn't own a home and we didn't have a lot of money in the bank. I found a book in the library on how to divorce yourself. They had a great section on Legal Separation and I followed their format and filled in our information. I easily typed it myself on a typewriter, of course, you can use a computer. The only thing that wasn't easy was the child custody and support, but I made some phone calls to lawyers, Social Services, researched a little and figured it all out. We got it notarized and for $20.00 I filed it at the County Clerk's Office. I was legally separated for $20.00, the cost of the paper, and the Notary. When I got divorced, my lawyer handled and changed some things with the child support/custody. What I realized was that if I could struggle with him, then I could struggle without him. Personally, I didn't want anything that reminded me of our so-called marriage/relationship, therefore, I walked out with my three kids and the clothes on our backs." - Teresa Brouwer
There are forms that can be followed as a guide and all you have to do is fill in your own information. Note: A lot of couples have a lot to dispute about and having an attorney is always the best option, but it can be done.
There are times that we must evaluate what is truly important; a nice home, our sanity, the safety of our children, and the safety for ourselves. Fighting for materialistic things can lead to more abuse. To get out of harms way, one must evaluate the true meaning of happiness.
