Lesson 2: Steps to Leaving the Relationship
Safety Plan
The highest risk for serious injury or death to a battered woman is when she is leaving or when she has left her violent partner. (Barbara Hart, 1988)
A lot of women stay in an abusive relationship due to financial dependency, threats from the abuser, and the lack of a support system. When the victim leaves they are faced with financial issues, poor criminal justice response, fear for their lives, and their children's safety.
With this in mind, it is of the utmost importance to have a safety plan. A safety plan is the best kind of management towards a healthy escape and a successful future.
SAFETY PLAN FOR LEAVING/QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:
*Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 800-787-3224 *If there is an emergency dial 911.
1. The very first thing to do is try to put things in your name: the lease to your rented home, savings account, and anything else you could think of. This will give you the power to throw the abuser out of your house. The more things that are in your name, the more power you have.
2. Start planning now. It is never too early to plan your escape. Be prepared and don't waste any time. Get a job, if you can. Look in the paper to see what the rent is going for in your area. Check into the legal system. Find out about restraining orders and child custody/support. Know the facts. Knowledge is power.
3. Open a personal savings account in your name. Save some money, if you can. Keep your savings book at a friend's house or in a bank safe deposit box.
4. Get a bank safe deposit box. Put all your personal papers and documents in the box. (Make copies of the documents and put the originals back in your files at home.)
5. Get a Post Office Box. (Avoid using a private mailbox provider. By law, these providers must obtain your physical address: this information could help the abuser find the victim.)
6. Depending on the type of job you have, hide your money. The restaurant business is so easy to hide money as waitresses receive cash for tips. Don't tell your partner exactly how much you make.
7. Sell some of your things, if you can. Spring clean or Fall clean your house. This is a great way to make fast cash. Baby-sit for a friend. Again, don't tell your partner exactly how much you made.
8. When you have a safe plan to leave, where would be the safest place to hide keys and your purse?
9. Tell someone you're leaving, like the police department. This is to let someone aware of what is going on at the time of your escape.
10. When is the best time to leave? While the abuser is at work? Sleeping?
11. Where should the kids be the day you leave? School? Friend's house? How would you pick them up?
12. Don't always tell the abuser where your friends live. Don't reveal so much information about things in your life.
13. Research battered shelters in your area. Where are they? How can they help you and your children? What do you need to bring to the shelter? How long can you stay? What do you have to do to get there?
Safety plans differ depending on the person and their situation. Some victims are dealing with physical abuse and life threats. Some have family and friends nearby while others live miles away from their loved ones. There is help out there, you must reach out. People do care.
