Lesson 1: How To Recognize an Abusive Relationship
Signs of an Abuser
Recognizing an abuser can be very difficult. They may come off as being charming, loving, and fun. They may praise you and your beliefs. At times, they may say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to them. To you, this is great! The words sound normal and these are the things that people are suppose to say to you when they love you.
You are in the relationship for awhile now. Slowly things change, but you don't quite see it yet. The abuser may get angry at times, but you feel that it is natural and that we all get mad once in awhile. We all have the right to vent and express our feelings.
So, how can we spot an abuser? How do we know when we are in danger? What would be the difference between honest and loving words and manipulating drama?
Below is an ABUSER PROFILE:
Pathologically jealous
Blames other for their actions
Says, "I love you" too much
Break or throw objects
Give gifts as a way of apologizing
Very protective of victim
Isolates victim from family and friends
Appears one way in front of others and another way in front of the victim
Becomes quickly involved in the relationship
Wants to see the victim all the time
Always calls just to say hi
Shows up at the victim's job too often
Have low self-esteem
Don't have many friends
May have been abused themselves
Wants to take care of the victim.
Promises the victim the world
Convinces the victim that he/she would be the best provider and parent of future children they may have.
Tells the victim all they need is him/her in their lives
Tells the victim that the two of them could conquer the world.
Tells the victim that he/she cannot live without them.
*If you have any doubt in your mind, then you must follow your instinct. I believe the signs are always there before the relationship gets really bad. We must keep our eyes open and be true to how we want to be treated.
Exercise #1
When you and your partner argue, how does your partner act? How does your partner apologize? What does your partner say or do? Write these answers on a piece of paper.
Exercise #2
Are you always apologizing for your actions? Do you feel that your feelings are wrong? Do you feel that you always have to explain yourself? How do you feel when you are always explaining yourself?
Exercise #3
Does your partner buy you expensive gifts? Always buying flowers? Does your partner say, "no one could love you as much as I do?" or "I'd never do anything to hurt you?" How do you feel when your partner does or say these things?
