Hearing Loss

Lesson 2: Recovery From the Emotional Trauma of Hearing Loss

Personal Support System

To get over the emotional impact of hearing loss, you need a personal support system. That doesn’t mean wearing spandex - that’s another course. :-)

By personal support system, I mean people who are close to you who can help. A spouse, members of the family, close friends – anyone you can talk to, anyone you can count on and anything that gives you strength and encouragement.

It’s important to talk out your feelings about losing your hearing. You’ll need to get past the "it’s not fair", "why me", "this sucks" part of the adjustment. There are only so many times you can say that before you get bored with it yourself. Get it over with and then you can move on in your recovery.

In my case, my personal support system is my husband. Others help me too and I don’t want to lessen their importance, but he’s been my rock, my security and my sanity. Without him, I wouldn't be able to write this course today - without him, I wouldn't be past my trauma. It may or may not be a spouse for you, but whoever it is, it should be someone you trust and respect.

One thing that helps recovery is for people to let you know that you’re not a different person. You’ve lost your hearing, not your mind and personality. It’s important to know they still care for you, still want to spend time with you, and don’t mind the extra effort it takes, particularly at the beginning.

The people in your support system should treat you like they always did. If they would normally invite you to something before, they should invite you now. But they should be aware that things are different for YOU and help you in those situations.

For example, when my husband and I go out in a large group, I tell people that I can’t hear. If I can’t understand what someone is saying, I look at him and he knows I need help. Then he will use different methods to get it to me so I can keep up.

Because restaurants are difficult, he orders for me. He and my children help me in stores when I can’t get what someone is saying. In their own way, they fill in, pretty much acting as interpreters. Without the help of my children, I would still be sitting in a subway car because I didn’t hear the announcement that it was going out of service. They pulled me to the other train.

People can’t be with you 100% of the time to help you, but they can let you know they love you and that you’re not less of a person because you lost your hearing.

People are the foundation of a personal support system, but they don’t necessarily have to be the ones you think they have to be. There can also be other facets to your support system other than people.

Books, like those on the Resources list and the Bibliography, can be a great help when you need some support and encouragement. Reading about what others have gone through makes you feel less alone. When you see that someone else has felt the way you do, you feel comforted by the knowledge that they have survived it. You can refer to a book over and over again and it’s especially helpful when people aren’t around.

In addition to many web sites with support groups, there are also support groups in the usenets. Check out alt.support.hearing-loss, alt.support.tinnitus (for ringing in the ears so many of us suffer through), bit.listserv.deaf-l, and several groups for depression.

Please note – newsgroups are notorious for attracting spammers and all sorts of perverse posts, so be aware that no matter how good a group is, there’s a chance you’ll see an offensive post at some point. Try to ignore them so you can get the helpful posts.

You can get good information from groups such as alt.support.hearing-loss so even if you don’t post, reading about others who share the same problem can be helpful.

Another note: If you do post, use a throwaway email address so your regular account doesn’t get spammed.

Use the resource list from this course to find support groups in your area. There are many agencies and organizations just waiting to help. Take advantage of them - get involved. Soon you may be helping someone else.

Whether you have people close to you to talk to, read books like those in our resources, or go to a website or newsgroup, it all comes back to people. Just remember that you’re not alone.

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