Hearing Loss

Lesson 2: Recovery From the Emotional Trauma of Hearing Loss

Self Pity

"Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality." -- John W. Gardner

It’s natural to feel sorry for yourself when something bad happens to you. You wonder what you did wrong, why it happened to you, what you might have done differently to prevent it, and what you can do to make it go away. These thoughts are counterproductive. They don’t help your situation and they keep you from being close to people who can help you. It’s no picnic for those around a person feeling sorry for him or herself either.

Even I got sick of pitying myself, so I can’t imagine how others around me felt. I doubt that I was the most pleasant person to be around. Self-pity is natural and we can’t be faulted for feeling it, but it’s something we need to get past quickly to recover.

The "why me", "it’s not fair" attitude I mentioned before gets really wearisome fast. It takes more energy to keep feeling sorry for ourselves than it does to do something to make things better. Self-pity is draining. It sucks the life out of us; it sucks the hope out of us. It sucks the desire to move on and do something positive out of us. Be conscious of self-pity in your behavior and try to break the habit.

One little exercise that counselors recommend is the rubber band exercise. The goal is to break the pattern of an unwanted feeling. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you realize you’re feeling sorry for yourself, snap the rubber band. That "snaps you out of it." Don’t snap too hard, of course. I don’t want you hurting yourself. The snapping band’s job is to break the cycle and prevent you from sinking further into the pity trap. Try it – you’ll be surprised how well it works.

If you don’t like the idea of snapping a rubber band on your wrist, think of something else that will help you stop your descent into self-pity and do it. The method of your wake up call doesn’t matter as much as the result. If you find tapping yourself on the hand works, go for it.

"In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" - Albert Camus

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