Hearing Loss

Lesson 1: Emotional Trauma of Hearing Loss

Sense of Loss of Normal Life and Missing What's Going on Around You

Work, television, movies, radio, music, shows, conversation, classes, lectures, plays, parties, meetings, shopping, driving, talking on the phone, even walking are just some of the things that not only feel different when you can’t hear, but seem almost impossible.

You may feel like you’ve lost any semblance of normal life. In one way you have - things won’t be exactly the same again and that can be very depressing.

You don’t have to let it destroy you. Normal is relative. Life changes everyday in many ways and we adapt. If we make a conscious effort, we can adapt to this too.

The first thing to realize is that you can still do most of the things you did before. You just have to learn a new way to do them and learn to compensate for your loss. You may be surprised at the things you find you’re good at when you have to be creative in your approach to doing everyday things. For instance, it was losing my hearing that pushed me to learning about computers, a talent I never would have known I had.

Most people who’ve lost their hearing worry about being independent. We can still drive a car, travel, dine out, work, shop, make appointments and call for help in an emergency, among other things.

In Missing Words, Eve Nickerson gives excellent tips on how to do some of these things again. As an example, her excellent advice on making an emergency phone call was devised with the help of a police dispatch officer and an emergency room doctor. This very important line in that advice should be told to the person on the phone: "I am hard of hearing. I will repeat this whole message at the end." The operator will know that you can't hear and you will give them the answer to anything they missed.

The second thing to realize is that people still care about us. Family and friends don’t suddenly dislike us because we have a hearing problem. On the contrary, they want to help us and we have to be careful not to push them away.

Missing what’s going on around you

There are two ways to look at the word "missing". One is that you physically miss what’s going on around you as in you just weren’t aware of it. The other is that you emotionally miss it, as in longing for it. Both can be traumatic and depressing. In both meanings, I miss a lot of things.

I sometimes misunderstand what people are saying, I get things wrong, I make mistakes. In the beginning, I used to feel devastated by it. I felt stupid, handicapped, broken and depressed. I felt like I wasn’t good enough anymore to be out and about – to be with people – to keep up friendships. I missed too much. I felt inadequate.

I miss (long for) music, quiet conversations, the early warning system my ears used to be. I miss the sounds of people’s voices, being able to do things without figuring out first how to manage. I miss the normal hum of background noise.

There are ways to improve the situation. Though you won’t hear with your own ears, you can compensate for the loss. Let’s use music as an example.

Music is a big part of most people’s lives. We don’t have to play an instrument or sing in a band to appreciate it. Most of us listen to the radio, go to a concert or two, buy CD’s, and listen to music without much thought. When it’s gone, it’s a quiet loss that creeps up on you.

One way I keep music in my life by tricking myself into thinking I’m hearing it. Does it sounds crazy? Try it! There must be songs you remember liking in the time you could hear. Do you still have them on CD or tape? Or for those of you who remember, records?

With my hearing aids in, I turn on the music and I can hear just enough sound to let my mind take over. The memory of the song plays in my head and with my feet on the floor, I feel the bass and the rhythm. The feeling goes through my body to my brain and combined with what I remember, my head is hearing the song. (It’s easier with shoes off.) Try it – I think you’ll be amazed at how powerful the mind is.

Fortunately, we live in a high tech time with many options for devices to help us. Again, we’ll get to those in Lesson 3, but for now, don’t despair. There’s a wealth of choices to help you.

With a little help, a lot of gumption and a good attitude, life doesn’t have to change very much.

Optional Reading
Please refer to:

• Missing Words: The Family Handbook on Adult Hearing Loss, pages 42 – 62

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