Lesson 1: Emotional Trauma of Hearing Loss
Lesson 1 will introduce you to some of the aspects of the emotional trauma associated with hearing loss. It's important to understand the feelings and their progression in order to avoid a full-blown depression.
Introduction
Imagine waking up one morning and hearing nothing. You can see people’s lips moving but can’t understand what they’re saying. You know the television is on, but no sound reaches you. Voices, radio, horns honking, even the hum of the refrigerator are all gone. You can’t even tell if the car started because you can’t hear it. That’s what complete hearing loss is like. The world becomes silent.
Most people who’ve had a physical or emotional loss go through stages as mentioned in Coping With Hearing Loss – denial, projection, anger, depression, and acceptance. We’re going to focus on getting from depression to acceptance.
Denial is the first reaction – you just can’t believe you could be losing your hearing permanently. I used to wake up every morning believing that this would be the day I could hear again and then I’d go through the day unable to accept the disappointment. It was particularly hard because I was in my early thirties when I first noticed the loss. When I found out I had Menieres Syndrome, I kept hoping it would be a temporary fluctuation. Believing that my loss would get worse, not better, was very hard for me to do.
Once I faced that it was going to be permanent and was going to get worse, I started to withdraw and drop my activities. Everything was too hard to do, so I stopped doing things that filled my day and made me feel productive.
I stopped taking courses at the University, I resigned an executive position at my children’s school and I stopped making an effort to talk to my friends because I couldn’t hear them on the telephone. I also stopped going to things I was invited to because I couldn’t hear in crowds and I avoided everyone who loved and cared about me other than my husband and children.
Knowing I had Menieres and there was a physical reason for my loss, precluded my going through projection. I couldn’t blame others for not speaking clearly or not speaking loud enough. I knew it was me and then I became angry.
Anger is a normal part of any loss. We get angry at people we love for leaving us, we get angry that we couldn’t save a beloved pet, we get angry that we can’t change things. Mostly we get angry at ourselves for not being able to do something that used to be so simple – communicate.
Depression is comprised of many things. We realize this is how life is going to be from now on and we’re going to be different from the way we were before. We're embarrassed at not being able to hear, we’re lonely from feeling left out, we’re scared because we don’t know how we’re going to cope. We feel alone and our depression causes us to be alone. It’s a cycle that we need to break to get on with life. The emotional trauma can be very painful and debilitating if you succumb to it.
Once you reach the point of acceptance, you will understand that you’re still the same person. You can do everything you could before – except hear. And now, three rules to get us started:
Rule number one: If you have hearing aids WEAR THEM! There is nothing to be ashamed of and if you wear them you’ll get used to them. I have forgotten they were in my ears several times. Note to self (and others): Take them off in the shower!
Rule number 2: Tell people you are hearing impaired, late deafened or whatever you call it. Most people will be very happy to try to help you understand what they’re saying.
Rule number 3: Always remember rules one and two!
Optional Reading
- Pages 31 - 53 in Coping with Hearing Loss and/or
- Pages 5 - 20 in Hearing Loss & Hearing Aids and/or
- Pages 42 - 62 in Missing Words: The Family Handbook on Adult Hearing Loss
