Homeschooling: Special Needs

Lesson 3: Catching Up and Moving On

Many special needs children begin in the public or private school system. By the time the parent decides to homeschool, the child is often far behind other children his age. In fact, this is usually the reason the parent begins to homeschool. Even a child who is homeschooled from the start may lack many skills other children his age have because his disability has caused physical, emotional or learning delays. As homeschooling parents, we face the challenge of undoing all the damage that has been done in the past. We must build our child’s confidence, help him rediscover the joy of learning, teach him the essential skills that will allow him to catch up with his peers and then create a maintenance program. If we are teaching a child who will not catch up, we must decide what skills are essential for him to learn before he leaves the safety of our school.

Special Challenges of Formerly Schooled Children

The loss of self-esteem and joy is primarily an issue for children who have spent time in the public schools and who are now homeschooled because the schools were unsuccessful. In this section, we will talk about the causes of these problems and what we can do to improve them.

I once had the opportunity to spend the day in a wonderful special education classroom. My ten-year-old daughter, who had just begun homeschooling came with me. The teacher was a friend and I was just there to watch and learn. During recess, when my daughter and I were alone, Colleen said, “Mom, this room feels safe. If I had been in a room like this at school, I would never have had to homeschool.”

While I had been primarily interested in how the teacher taught children of varying ages and ability, I now watched the class to find out what made it safe. I soon heard a child become upset over a mistake she had made. The other children rushed to the rescue, reassuring her that everything was okay, and that mistakes were normal. The child settled down and went back to work. When the teacher worked with a child, she was gentle and patient, helping her to feel good about what she could do and hopeful about what she could not. It was indeed a safe haven. Later, I asked the teacher about this. She said that by the time children made it into her classroom, they were failing, and many had given up. They had often been told they were stupid or lazy. Teachers were sometimes impatient and so were parents. Their self-esteem was in desperate shape. It took her only a few weeks to help them feel safe in her class. She taught the children to respect themselves and others, and they in turn, helped with the rebuilding process of others. These children were in the third grade or younger, and yet they had been taught this.

Contrast this with a child who is in a regular classroom. Many teachers are patient and kind and loving. However, most children with special needs eventually wind up with a teacher who is simply not right for the child. She may be overwhelmed by class size, discipline issues, administrative duties and other challenges all teachers face. Occasionally, a child even has a teacher who is simply cruel. A teacher who has thirty or more children of varying abilities cannot personalize the class to every child’s special needs. Those children who need the most attention are the ones who overwhelm her. The child becomes discouraged and feels like a failure. Other children might make fun of him. The teacher may be upset that she cannot help and this may cause her to be sharper than she intends. The parents, always fighting with the teacher, and then with the child, are burnt out. By the time a parent gives up and homeschools, neither parent nor child is feeling relaxed, happy and eager for education.

A child with physical challenges may have been underestimated by the schools. My daughter was once told she didn’t have to do anything that was too hard for her, so of course, she did as little as possible. She has cerebral palsy, but was in a gifted program and did not need academic accommodations. However, the teacher simply saw her as a disabled child. A child with learning disabilities is often very bright, but the giftedness goes unnoticed in the clutter of challenges. The drive to learn and the joy of discovery that is so very present in the lives of our little ones has long since disappeared.

The parent who begins homeschooling mid-way through a child’s education is faced with a tremendous hurdle. She may have a child who feels stupid, who has developed bad habits, who gives up easily and who does not strive to reach and exceed his abilities. He has almost certainly forgotten what it is like to learn for the sheer joy of learning.

This is the first challene faced by a new homeschooling parent. The next section talks about repairing the damage.