Lesson 2: Creating a Personal Philosophy
Should I accommodate my child's disability?
“Accommodations are just a crutch.” I heard this many times when my children were still in public school. I was curious. If a child came to school with a broken leg, would they tell him not to use a crutch? Accommodations are just a way to help a child to be able to do his work in the same way a physical crutch helps a child with a broken leg to walk.
Whether or not to allow your child to have accommodations is a personal choice. There are a few factors to consider when deciding whether to use all that are needed, a few or none at all. First, consider the type of disability, its permanence and its effect on his life. If a child cannot see, he naturally needs a way to get around safely. Few parents would deny a blind child a cane or a dog or perhaps glasses. A deaf child needs a means of communication. The issues are much more complicated now. Deaf children can lipread, use sign language or depend on hearing aids. A parent must ask: Can my child learn to communicate with those who are hearing? Will he want to associate with those in the deaf world as well? How does his hearing loss affect his education, his career choices and his friendships?
Learning disabilities bring about the most complicated issues. My children have dysgraphia. This is a writing disorder. They write very slowly, cannot write for any length of time before their hands ache, and write unreadably. I can decide that they simply must learn to write because people do have to. The truth is, today, that many people almost never write. I was told to be sure my son could write his name, but that these days, he can use a computer, a PDA or other tools to compensate. He won’t look disabled-only technologically competent. My own choice was to teach him to write, but to allow him to use other tools for the majority of his work. This is how I operate my life. I know how to write and I sometimes do-I make lists, for example, and fill out deposit slips. Most of the time I type. I don’t consider my typing a cop-out. I have work to be done and I need to do it in the most practical and efficient way possible. If writing by hand is too slow, this is not efficient.
Reading presents another challenge. People do have to know how to read. It is possibly the most important academic skill of all. Calculators, tape recorders and computers cannot replace reading. I would not allow a child to skip learning to read, although I would use some accommodations while he was learning. For instance, my children used cardboard strips with a long hole cut into them so that they could only see one line at a time on a page. When they were first reading chapter books, this was the only way they could manage. They were too distracted by the other lines. Gradually, we reduced the dependence on these. A child who cannot read should be read to often, so that he can be exposed to books that are within his comprehension level, even though they are beyond his reading level.
Many parents find that medications, particular those designed for children with ADD, are no longer needed within the controlled environment of the home. Discuss this decision with your doctor.
The decision must be based on a long-term, realistic view of the world in which a child must live, both as a child and as an adult. Carefully evaluate each needed accommodation to see how essential it is. Sometimes accommodations can be used briefly and then gradually done away with. Other accommodations can be used for convenience when needed, and done away with when they aren’t practical. (I use a tape recorder in college classes, but sometimes take paper notes if I need to.) Remember that what matters is learning and success, not parental pride or the advice of “experts.” Too many experts have never actually experienced the disability. Try to find adults with your child’s disability to find out the practical realities of the challenges.
