Lesson 8: Lesson 8 - Prevention and Other Tid Bits
Family Meetings
Dr. Gerald Patterson of the Oregon Social Learning Center, Eugene,Oregon has spent a lifetime working with children with conduct problems and conducting research in this area. One of his suggestions to help families work together and solve and prevent problems is to hold family meetings where everybody is a participant. But family meetings work only when couples have agreed beforehand what needs should be addressed, where they stand on parenting, and have worked out their differences as much as possible. Hold meetings once a month or once a week if you want. Meetings should be short and fun for the entire family, and the children should have a role to play and input in discussions and resolutions. Here are some suggestions Gerald Patterson and Marion Forgatch give in their book, Parents and Adolescents, Living Together:
1. Establish a definite time and date for your meetings that are convenient for each person’s schedule. No phone calls or visitors should be allowed during the meeting time. Even though you want this to be a pleasant experience, the meetings should be formal and be taken seriously. Keep the meetings short – about 10 to 20 minutes. One member of the family can be the timekeeper (younger kids especially enjoy this job). Have an agenda and be cheerful and friendly before, during and after the meetings. Everyone should abide by the rules.
2. Parents should be in charge of both the agenda and the meeting, but encourage children to bring any issues and concerns to you to place on the agenda. You also want to encourage them to participate. Parents can make a list of issues that are not open for negotiation, which can be negotiated at a later time. Suggested agenda topics include:
- Chores/future projects
- Setting/defining house rules
- Homework
- Relationship issues
- Events and schedules
- Vacations, holidays, etc.
4. Assign someone to be the Recorder (the recorder takes notes of the meeting). This can be a rotating position. Assign someone to be the Mediator. The mediator summarizes problems and solutions, keeps turn-taking fair, labels hostile comments and helps people re-phrase them in a more constructive way, and mentions rule violations. The meeting should be stopped if anyone makes more than three hostile comments or rule violations.
5. Decision making should include these rules:
- Conflicts/problems are identified and defined
- Solutions to problems are generated by everyone, and at least five possible solutions should be mentioned. Here is a time for creativity and fun as well as seriously trying to find constructive plans of action. All suggestions are to be written down with no criticism, hostility or evaluation at this step.
- When all suggestions have been made, the possible solutions are evaluated and any positive or negative results discussed. If discussions become heated, take a five-minute break.
- Take a vote for the best solution. When it is implemented, it should be evaluated at the next meeting as to its success.
