Lesson 4: Lesson 4 - Behavioral Management: Part I
- What is behavioral management - Positive and negative reinforcement - Developing a positive approach to behavioral management - Homework assignment - Attachments: Behavioral Management; Point System; Rules for Point System; Point Calender
What Is Behavioral Management?
Behavioral management works on the principle that behaviors that are rewarded are repeated and those that are ignored, not rewarded or punished will stop. We all will continue doing things that give us pleasure (reward), invoke positive responses from others (acknowledgement, acceptance, social praises) and that are aligned with our belief and value system (for example: I believe in marriage and therefore I will work towards keeping it healthy, happy and resolve problems when they arise).
Children and adults pick up social cues, either acceptable or not acceptable, from those around us and act accordingly. As an example, you are invited to a black tie evening social event. You might hate getting dressed up in a tuxedo and tie, but because this is what is socially accepted and required at this event, you will abide by these cues or not attend. Or if your work requires you to wear appropriate dress, such as a clerk in a downtown department store, you do not come to work in your tattered jeans, tennis shoes and sloppy sweatshirt. You recognize the need for appropriate dress and act accordingly. The reward is your paycheck and being socially accepted. Our lives are full of social cues that we can choose to abide by or not. If you are a teen on the streets, you might respond to doing drugs or selling yourself for sex because in that social environment it is what is expected of you, you need to belong (acceptance) and you need to survive (selling oneself gives you the money for both the short-term reward of the drugs and eating when it is necessary). Behaviors are also motivated by needs. A starving man will risk imprisonment from stealing over dying of hunger. Survival needs include food, drink, a safe place to reside and ways to protect oneself. We also have fundamental needs such as being accepted, loved and achieving goals.
All actions have consequences. Some consequences are the natural result of our behaviors and others are social or logical consequences that result from the world we live in. For example, if you leave garden tools outside in the rain pretty soon they will get rusty. This is a natural consequence. If a two-year-old child runs out into oncoming traffic, the possibility of being hit is a very real natural consequence. If a child hits another child, the logical and social consequence is that the other child will probably respond by hitting back. When a parent tells a child that if they continue to throw their food on the floor at the dinner table they will be sent away from the table, this is a logical and social consequence. It is logical because the consequence was pre-determined for the behavior and it is not socially acceptable to go through life throwing our food all over the house. They choose to eat appropriately (assuming they are old enough to do so) or the consequence is removal from the dinner table.
As parents, we are attempting to teach children both natural consequences for their actions and social and logical ones. We do this by rewarding or punishing their behavior. However, in the process we often reward the wrong behaviors or are inconsistent following through with consequences leaving the child confused as to what is expected. Or we focus so much on what they are not supposed to do that the child doesn’t get rewarded for the behaviors we want them to have and they end up discouraged. A discouraged child is a child who seeks attention (a normal and natural need for all of us). If they can’t get attention positively, they will continue behaving in negative ways to get it. In other words if the only way a child can get your attention is by using bad language, yelling, throwing a tantrum, misbehaving, etc. they will do it. And if that is the only time you pay attention to them, you have then reinforced and rewarded the very thing you do not want to happen.
According to Rudolf Dreikurs and researchers (See Dinkmeyer & McKay, STEP: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting), children misbehave to get their needs met. The most basic of those needs is to belong, to be loved and be accepted. And their misbehavior is a result of discouragement. Children need attention and they need a sense of personal power over themselves and their world just as we do. Children, like adults, need to feel good about who they are as individuals and they want to feel a mastery over their lives. They will strive to belong and be significant.
So how do we make all this work? How do we help our children grow up feeling good about who they are while becoming responsible for their actions and behavior? We start by giving them simple, easy choices, establishing appropriate consequences, reinforcing behaviors you want and giving them unconditional love. Unconditional love means that while behaviors may be unacceptable and will be dealt with accordingly, the child is always loved just for who they are and they know it. Sometimes it is necessary to actually put it in words. “I love you, but this behavior (be specific) is unacceptable and will not be tolerated!”
