Lesson 2: Lesson 2: Impact on Family & Society
Home, School and Social Problems
LESSON TWO – IMPACT ON FAMILY & SOCIETY
At Home and School. ADHD has an impact not only on families, but our schools and our society as well. Families struggle with a child’s seeming unwillingness to comply with instructions and failure to pay attention. Their behavior is often disruptive and intrusive on all members of the family, creating difficulties not only for parents but also between siblings. These children have difficulty learning from their mistakes or learning to control their behaviors (such as speed, intensity and direction), and rewards and punishments seem to be less effective. Even when a family has learned to cope at home, problems requiring major intervention when a child enters school. Going to school requires self-control and the ability to follow directions. ADHD children have difficulty following instructions, especially verbal instructions. They often fail to complete their work both at school and at home. Their hyperactivity, acting out, or attention-getting behaviors can cause them to be labeled a troublemaker or misfit or class clown. Without intervention, an ADHD child’s self-esteem suffers greatly during the school years as they struggle to understand why people are getting so upset with them when they are trying so hard.
Social Problems. ADHD children’s high energy levels and short attention span often have them acting impulsively. They don’t seem to be able to respond to the social cues from their peers as other children do. For example, if an ADHD child pushes another child and that child pushes him back, he might be genuinely surprised and won’t seem to connect the return action with his own action of pushing first. ADHD children do better in structured play environments. Since they have more difficulty socially in playgroups with other children, they tend to become loners with only one or two good friends. Often these children will pick friends who are either two to three years younger or two or three years older than themselves. Other children see them as bossy, selfish, and immature. They create their own rules and don’t understand why other children or adults would object. They seem to have a lack of social “savior faire”, creating poor peer relations. Because these children have difficulties in normal play and social settings, they might gravitate to other children who have conduct or behavioral problems, thereby increasing their own risk of developing conduct disorders. Continuing over time and without intervention, an ADHD teen also may suffer not only from a loss of positive self-image, but sadness and depression or difficulty with anger as well.
Special Problems Parents Face. Parents often feel isolated when raising an ADHD child because the parenting techniques they are familiar with just don’t seem to work with this child. Other family members and friends are constantly telling them what they “should” be doing, and don’t seem to understand when they tell them it doesn’t work. Others simply don’t believe they are trying hard enough. Patience levels are stretched. Siblings are often unhappy as parents spend more and more time and attention with this child who doesn’t seem to listen, doesn’t seem to want to respond, doesn’t follow rules and seems to need constant attention in all ways.
As parents receive more teacher and school complaints, they feel frustrated, guilty, angry, and hopeless. They want someone to listen to them, understand how hard they work at being a good parent, and how frustrated, angry and tired they are versus receiving more “good advice”!
As frustration and stress levels rise, parents begin to find fault not only with the child, but also with each other. They become inconsistent and sometimes set up negative triangles within the family. They begin to blame each other for what is happening. Punishment becomes the norm in dealing with the children, and as they threaten more, they soon find themselves caught in a negative cycle that forces them to either give up or follow through on consequences they hadn’t meant to administer. This not only puts a strain on traditional families, but is even more challenging when both parents are working or in single-family households. In reality, an ADHD child can bring out the worst in the best of parents! It also puts a strain on the best of marriages!
SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
These are wonderful children!! And there are things we can do to make life easier! Behavioral management skills can increase compliance, manage and correct misbehavior and set realistic boundaries and rules. When necessary, medicines can help children “sit still” long enough to work with them. Pro-social skills can be taught both in school and at home. Contingency management programs both at home and school can reinforce and reward positive behaviors. Focusing on the positive attributes of our children can help them begin to feel a sense of self-worth even when everything else seems to be going wrong for them in their world. Organizing our homes can create structure, which is very important for these children. As we understand better what these children are experiencing, we can become strong advocates for them, helping others understand that these are very special children!
