Prostate Cancer

Lesson 2: Prostate Cancer

Coping with Your Diagnosis

One of the early decisions you must make is who to tell that you have cancer. Some men chose to tell no one and stoically move forward and are surprised and disappointed that no one is supporting them when they have the inevitable "Blue Days". I chose to tell my family, friends and co-workers. I told my family since my choice of treatment likely would affect them, and certainly has affected them, both short and long-term and quite frankly, I needed their support. I urged my male friends to get a PSA test, as I did not want to lose any of them--good friends are too hard to come by. Of the 15 male friends that followed through and had the PSA test, 5 had non-cancerous conditions, and 3 had cancer. Those three have since received treatment for their cancer and are alive and well as of December 2002. I shared my situation with my co-workers and business partners because I was at risk and during whatever treatment I chose, I would either be off work for an extended period of time or working only part time. We had to plan around this work disruption.

Some of your friends and family may not respond to your situation. Many people don’t understand cancer and don’t know what to say to a cancer patient. Their grief and concern for you has left them speechless. Some may even fear that they can catch cancer from you. Some wives stop having sex with their husbands, as they fear the semen may carry cancer-causing cells. This type of misinformation causes many men to feel a sense of shame, which leads to keeping their illness a secret. Prostate Cancer is not a venereal disease! You did not get cancer because of any misdoing on your part! Prostate Cancer is not a sign of weakness--it is a sign of aging.

During my investigations, the topic of stress and cancer came up often. There is strong evidence that men who live stressful lives are more apt to get cancer than those who are able to manage their stress. It is also beneficial to your recovery to be as stress-free as possible. This is often very difficult to manage, as the process of being diagnosed and treated for cancer tends to be a stressful time. You may need professional help to assist you in learning techniques on how to better manage stress. Often the first step is to acknowledge to your support group that you need their support. Many men hesitate to ask for help as we have been taught from a very early age to bear the pain and show no weakness. This macho attitude is counter-productive to conquering cancer. Conquering cancer is a team endeavor. On your team are your partner, family, friends, co-workers and health professionals and in some cases a religious confidante. You must take the time to regularly advise all members of your team how you are doing and how you are feeling so they can assist you.

After my diagnosis, I soon found that I was not alone in this situation. Annually, there are approximately 200,000 men being diagnosed with Prostate Cancer in North America alone. Interestingly these numbers are almost identical to Breast Cancer, which has a far higher profile. Survival rates are also similar. Our ladies have done a far better job at bringing attention to Breast Cancer. As a result the research dollars are 10 to 1 in favor of Breast Cancer.

After getting the news of my cancer, my wife Marlene turned to the Internet and started to dig and compile a list of questions about each treatment. Armed with a few notes we met with Dr. Zack a few days later and he fielded our questions and it became apparent that we had much to learn before we could make an informed decision on what treatment we should choose.

The next lesson will deal with treatment options. From my experience and in speaking to other men who have been treated and cured of prostate cancer, it is my opinion that there are no "free rides" available. Each of the treatments comes with a price to pay: physically, emotionally and financially. The price extracted will be shared with your sexual partner, family and close friends.

A note as we move forward into treatment options: In my discussions with health professionals, I am told they face basically 3 types of patients: those who want their doctor to suggest what their treatment should be, those that want a shared role in the decision-making process, and those that want to take the reins in the decision-making process. I hope that, no matter what type of patient you are, or would like to be, you will find the following lesson on treatment options a source of information to assist you in deciding the best course of action for your situation. In most cases, you will find that your health care team is willing to accept you in any capacity. Your level of involvement in the decision-making process is a choice only you can make. However, knowledge is power, and armed with the following information regarding treatment options will allow you to be more knowledgeable about the treatments your doctor will discuss with you.

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