Parenting 101
Lesson 8: Acting Out
Shoplifting
It starts when you notice an awful lot of new clothes, makeup or cd’s in your child’s room. Many of the clothes still have tags on them. It appears to be much more than your child can afford to buy. When you ask her how she got them, she becomes evasive and tells you they belong to a friend. Then, you receive a call from a store, telling you your child is in custody for shoplifting.
You are hurt and bewildered, because you’ve always gotten her pretty much what she wanted. You can’t understand why she would behave this way. Arriving at the store you are prepared for almost everything except the tearful defiance you witness from your child. She isn’t angry about anything but being caught. Worse, she took the items because she wanted them. She expresses no remorse whatsoever about committing a crime.
Right in front of you is the fruit of years of indulgence. Having never set limits, developed any character traits or set any goals, this child is amoral. Both of you will now suffer the consequences, and they will be severe. Even though your child will receive a legal punishment, you will be held liable for failing to exercise parental control. It will take long, intensive intervention in order to try and instill some values in this type of child. Repeat offenders may be removed from your home and placed in a treatment center or halfway house.
Other children steal because of a need for attention from their parents, or because they don’t feel as good as other children who have more. Again, this will require counseling and guidance for all family members to help get the child back on track
Whatever the motive, offering rationalizations and excuses for this are going to harm everyone involved. Your child needs to be held accountable. An apology both to the store and to you should be made. All privileges need to be removed, and a stint at community service begun. This child has broken both the law and the trust in your home.
All the topics in this lesson require a parent to be firm and clear about family guidelines and standards. An underlying motive for an acting-out behavior is not an excuse.
What penalties would there be in your home for shoplifting?
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