Parenting 101

Lesson 8: Acting Out

Running Away From Home

This is a dangerous world in many ways for young people. And they know how anxious we are to keep them safe. For some children, this becomes a nasty weapon to use to get their way. You forbid an activity or enact a punishment, and they simply leave. Children who have had very few limits imposed on them are much more likely to act out this way.

How you handle this may well totally dominate your family landscape for a long time. No parent wants to lose their child. Lying awake in the small hours of the morning and praying they’re safe is a nightmare. How do you handle the situation?

First, if you haven’t discovered the facts, you’re in for a rude awakening. Running away is not considered a crime by most states. In fact, you are usually told they won’t go looking for a runaway until at least 72 hours has elapsed, if then. There are exceptions: if a child has a chronic illness requiring ongoing medication, is disabled, or has committed some offense, they will usually cooperate.

If you know where your child is staying, another shock may be in store for you. If an adult is present, they may take the stance that you are in some way unfit and refuse to help you. At this point you will probably be reeling. Don’t despair, there are things you can do. First, find out what the guidelines are for dealing with a problem child. Ask the police department to tell you what you can and can’t do.

When your child returns home lay the guidelines down. Make certain the child knows if they run away again, they will not return home. Period. Offer to get counseling or other support to try and resolve issues between you. But make it crystal clear that this behavior will not be tolerated. Some parents go so far as to board up bedroom windows or install bars. This is ridiculous. If communication is this negative and you have so little influence on your child’s behavior, it’s time to make drastic changes for them, not your family.

Running away is the most extreme form of emotional blackmail a child can use against a parent. Don’t allow any child the power to do this to you.

If your child ran away, what are the steps you would take to prevent it from happening again?

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