Parenting 101

Lesson 8: Acting Out

Parental Abuse: When Your Child Hurts You

Black eyes, broken ribs, and shattered hearts. These are the results of parental abuse. Is this rare? Not really. It is an increasing phenomenon here in the U.S. Many parents, just like child abuse victims, suffer in a haze of pain, humiliation and silence. Shocked, physically battered, and afraid, they suffer alone.

What leads a child to hurt their parent? It may be because they have suffered a form of abandonment such as failure to protect against physical or sexual abuse. Or it may be rage over a parent’s divorce or disappearance. It could be related to alcohol or drug abuse. When issues like these remain unaddressed, the child may build up a huge reservoir of pent-up rage. All it takes is a trigger and the first attack begins. Other children have been this way since toddlerhood and do not recognize boundaries at all. They don’t “see” the parent in her proper role.

Regardless of the why’s of such abuse, it cannot be allowed to continue. No matter how personally painful it is, this must be reported to law enforcement. A child who has broken this fundamental boundary is capable of breaking others. To suffer in silence is to permit the behavior, especially if there are underlying failures behind the assault. The child knows full well what you are hiding. Getting help and working through the issues is much better than ending up dead.

No child should ever be permitted to strike their parent. Ever. This is a centuries-old taboo that has been ingrained into the culture of almost every country across the globe. If children can’t fundamentally respect you and your home, they need to be removed, especially if you have other children. They will be hurt, frightened and confused enough without you adding to it by refusing to act.

Verbal abuse is equally bad, and when a child continually disrespects you by calling you names, swearing, or screaming at you, you have allowed them to take the first steps towards violence. Don’t allow it. If the behavior is ongoing, contacting the juvenile officer at your local police department can be a big help. There are lots of programs available to help get an unruly, abusive child back on track. This is your responsibility to the community at large. Children who behave this way towards a parent do it to teachers or anyone else who angers them.

Don’t wait, hoping it will get better on its own, because it won’t.

Is your child respectful towards you? Has he ever screamed or sworn at you? If so, what did you do about it?

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