Parenting 101

Lesson 8: Acting Out

Teen Sex

Teen sex is such a “hot button” topic, I would love to get a hefty discussion going with you on this. The two prevailing schools of thought on this are insisting on complete chastity until marriage and "give them birth control, they’ll do it anyway." Somewhere in between lies reality.

Because of AIDS and new forms of incurable syphilis and gonorrhea, some teens have indeed opted for virginity until marriage. They have fully gotten the message that unsafe, promiscuous sex can kill you. Still, too many of our children get overwhelmed by burgeoning sexual urges, and take the jump into full blown sexual behavior before they are ready. This results in teen unwed pregnancy and STD’s.

The hormonal surges during puberty and adolescence are ferocious. It is extremely hard for our children to handle them, given the prevalence of the overtly sexual movies and TV programs dominating the media. Add to this the opportunity provided by an empty home, and here comes trouble. In many families, both parents work, and children often have vast amounts of time alone and unsupervised. The parents have to trust their children to behave, and the children may really try to behave. But given the right circumstances, it can fall apart badly.

Children in middle school, and especially those, going through a stormy puberty need supervision. This is where many children began to seriously ruin their lives. I am currently trying to help two 13 year-old girls who are in real trouble. Both girls come home after school to an unsupervised atmosphere. Both girls are now having multiple sex partners, often as many as 4 a day. There is drinking and drugging going on. I tried, with one girls consent, to talk to her parents. The mother became extremely irate and denied her daughter would ever do such a thing. She will very quickly find out otherwise, as the child is pregnant. She has no idea who the father is. As I write this, I received a call that the other girl was arrested at school for possession of methamphetamine.

The old saying “where there’s a will, there’s a way” is relevant. Children will find opportunities to have sex, if they really want to. But, as parents, we have an obligation to help them avoid these situations as much as possible. If you have the expectation they will have sex, they will most likely fulfill it. A more positive approach is encouraging group activities, supervising behaviors, and encouraging open communication.

If your child gets pregnant, a whole world of hurt develops. Getting angry won’t help. At this point, decisions need to be made regarding both your child and the unborn baby. If your son has gotten a girl pregnant, and DNA backs this up, he must be held accountable and support the child. It doesn’t matter how many partners she may have had, if the baby is his, he’s responsible. Remember that this child will need the love and support of both sides of the family. Somehow a decent relationship needs to be worked out, so that issues of support and visitation can be settled amicably. Seek help if necessary, so this child comes into the world loved.

Don’t make the mistake of allowing either the father or mother to continue their sexual relationship in your home. Just because this has happened, it is not an excuse to now ignore the behavior. You want them to learn from this, not repeat it again and again. This is the ideal time to guide them to a healthier, more positive attitude about sex.

What are your attitudes about teen age sexual activity. Where do you stand on how to deal with it?

  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8