Lesson 8: Acting Out
Sometimes even in the most loving families, things go wrong with our children. In this lesson, we will go through some of the most common acting out behaviors, with suggestions on how to deal with them.
Fighting In School
This is the third phone call from the school you’ve gotten this month. Your child has been suspended for fighting again. You are angry, frustrated and upset. When you have talked with your child about why the fights started, he just shrugs his shoulders and says I don’t know. In middle and high school, fights are commonly started over a girl. If you discover this is the source of his fighting, he needs to understand the consequences are going to be harsh. No social activities, he’s grounded. This is immature behavior and since he can’t control himself, he needs to be kept at home until he can. He will have to earn his way back into his former privileges. He also needs to apologize to the teacher and principal for his behavior. Make him hold himself accountable.
Another source of fighting is gang related. If you suspect or find out your child is fighting with a gang, you need to get help immediately. Contact the Youth Resources Officer and enlist his help in getting advice on the best way to deal with this. This type of fighting can escalate into drive-by shootings, stabbings or arson. Don’t take chances or your child’s word he’ll quit. His word means nothing at this point, he has broken trust with you, especially if you have built a strong framework of communication since early childhood.
Even if your child convinces both yourself and a counselor that he wants to quit the gang, it won’t be easy. Gangs aren’t something you can just decide to quit. Some families have moved completely away from an area to get away from gang involvement. This usually isn’t necessary unless the gang has a well established pattern of violence.
Don’t allow your child to get away with behaving like this at school. He needs to learn that his behavior hurts everyone involved. Don’t rationalize or excuse it. Work with the school for appropriate ways to solve the problem. We expect a lot from our schools and often get it and more. We owe them the consideration of dealing with our problem children by being responsible parents.
