Lesson 2: Effective Parenting
Reinforcing Positive Behaviors
Too many parents feel as if traditional parenting places too much focus on negative behaviors. Nothing could be further from the truth. Part of sensible basic parenting is reinforcing positive behavior. It does not mean ignoring negative actions. Catching a child being good is not as easy as it sounds, particularly if you have more than one child, or a child who acts out continually. But, children need praise. It reinforces a healthy self-image and gives them a sense of accomplishment.
Positive reinforcement doesn’t have to be excessive. A simple hug and a "well done" often is enough. For a child struggling to change a negative behavior, acknowledging how difficult it was for him NOT to do the old behavior, will encourage him to keep on trying.
As an example, say that when your child is frustrated he throws things around. After encouraging him to find better ways to express his feelings, you see him visibly struggling to control himself. This is the perfect time to give him a big hug and say, “look at you! I am proud you are trying so hard.” We all too often only look for the big changes and fail to reward the struggle just to take the first few small steps.
By stressing that you see the effort, and not just the results, you let him know you are aware of him as an individual. This is very important in homes with more than one child. It is too easy when faced with children who are misbehaving, to just lump them together and not actually look at who is doing what. By learning to see each child in light of their own characteristics, you then can start dealing with them more fairly.
Positive reinforcement gives your child a motive to keep trying to get it “right.” It avoids a constant stream of "no, don’t do that" type of parental communication, and turns the interaction into a healthier, more dynamic form.
Looking back at your own childhood, how did your parents reinforce positive behavior?
