Lesson 2: Effective Parenting
Setting Limits
Why set limits? Setting limits provides a safety net for children, and helps them understand what is acceptable. In speaking with families, I have heard children say they feel "safe" because they have defined family rules or limits.
Children thrive on order. Understanding what is expected of them helps them to be less frustrated and angry. The world makes sense to them.
Limits are not meant to "stifle" a child or control him. They are there as guides to understanding how to behave in an acceptable manner. For example, when a child acts out in public or at home, the limit would be to remove them from the area until they can behave. If this limit is consistently enforced, the child learns not to act out in this fashion.
Other limits might cover how a child speaks to you or other adults. Teaching a child the acceptable way to make requests or verbally express their frustration will help make school and socializing much more positive. In our home, when a child shouts at one of us, they are not responded to until they can speak in an acceptable manner. If the behavior continues, they are sent to their room until they can be civil.
When our boys were younger, we had a terrible time getting them to pick up their toys. We gave them ample warning about what would happen if they weren’t picked up. After 3 days, I took any toys remaining on the floor, bagged them up and put them away. When that didn’t change the behavior, the toys were donated to a charity. We didn’t have a problem after that. They learned a hard lesson, and became much more responsible about picking up after themselves.
Limits are not punishments but tools to help your child understand what is acceptable and what isn’t. It takes firmness and consistency to make certain they understand this is just not Mommy having a bad hair day.
How are limits enforced in your home?
