Parenting 101

Lesson 3: Family Time

Why Too Much Privacy Is Unhealthy

Everyone coming in from work or school needs some time to "decompress". A little time to just unwind, shower or grab a quick snack. This is perfectly normal and healthy. When does it become too much?

In some homes, everyone has their own sound system, TV, VCR and computer. After a brief hello, they all retreat to their own spaces. There is little to no family communication. Doors are shut, and only the muffled sounds of TV or music are ever heard. Parents don't intrude on their children’s private spaces. How can this be called a family?

To be an effective parent, you need to communicate actively with your child. You also need to “monitor” what they see or hear from the media or on the computer. A child doesn’t have the filtering capabilities of an adult. Unless an adult helps them process and understand what they are seeing, they get the wrong understanding about many things.

This much “privacy” also decreases communication skills and can cause children to be sullen and rude when interrupted. Originally my boys each had their own TV’s. We noticed within a very short time how unwilling to talk or cooperate they were becoming. In addition, having the TV’s in their rooms diffused any discipline we tried to enforce. After all, who cares if they were sent to their rooms? They had the TV. So, we removed them. TV became a family affair. We sit together, comment or ask questions about what we are seeing, and generally end up communicating much more this way.

Both of the computers are side by side in our family area. This way I can actively help with lessons and monitor their internet access. We share exciting “finds” and news, play games and generally enjoy working closely together. My husband often will curl up on the couch, reading a book and occasionally join in our conversation. The boys are thrilled he’s there and compete to sit near him. As a result, instead of evenings spent dealing with tantruming children, we have evenings spent together in quiet enjoyment.

How much privacy do your children have and how has it impacted the way your family behaves?

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