Parenting 101

Lesson 7: Dealing With Today's Tough Issues

How To Deal With The School Bully

Many children, particularly older children, have an extremely difficult time talking about being bullied. Often the only sign a parent has is the child’s withdrawal from family and acting out. He may suddenly not want to go to school or play outside. There may be hidden unexplained injuries, missing money or favorite items he normally has.

Once a parent has ascertained bullying is responsible, they need to be careful and measured in how they react. First, the child’s self esteem has been badly hurt and needs reinforcing. If the bullying has been going on for quite some time, ask your child why he thinks he was chosen, what has been said by the bully/bullies, and if anyone else has been told or is aware of it. Find out if he has sought help from a school nurse or counselor. If money or possessions have been taken, find out how much money or what item was taken. If the child has visible bruising or other injuries, they need to be documented by photographs, both your own and the police department’s. A visit to your family doctor is also needed for further evaluation and documentation.

If the child has told someone at school, get their names, plus when and what he told them. Ask him to honestly tell you how they reacted, and if they did anything to help stop the behavior. All of this is necessary in order to have law enforcement and the school district pay attention and take it seriously. Unless the bullying has been severe and sustained, or there are serious injuries, it may be very hard to get anything done. For your child’s sake, you have to try.

Once you have enough information, you can try talking to the parents. If they are uncooperative and won’t help stop the behavior, you have a couple of choices. You can take them to small claims court if the injuries are under your state’s set amount. If the school will not take adequate steps to ensure your child’s safety, you can ask that he be transferred to another school.

Don’t expect your child to handle this himself. This is an unrealistic and very unfair way to handle this issue. Many victims end up suicidal because of the torment. When they feel there is going to be no end to it, they give up in despair. Others, as we’ve seen in the news, turn their rage and hurt outward, and go on homicidal rampages.

Help your child, protect him and show him that no matter how bad or frightening a situation is, you will work with him to find a safe solution.

Do you think the schools do enough to stop bullying?

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